• sara reads the feed

    My bff caffeine, Indian folk metal, hello darkness my old friend

    If you’re in America, did you know the CDC says you should be masking again?

    Broad rejection of masking, to me, feels like I am living in an entire country of people who don’t wanna wear a condom because “it feels better bare, baby” and “I’m clean, I don’t got nothing, look at me.” As if you cannot spread many, many STIs without visible symptoms and as if feeling good during this social interaction is more important than avoiding life-threatening illness.

    When I’m plowing your wife, I use a dental dam and gloves, and when you go out to visit family this winter, wear masks. Don’t spread gross stuff. That’s a public health message from your friendly neighborhood dirtbag.

    ~

    It feels “right” to be cutting myself off of caffeine over the course of the longest nights of the year. I’m so much slower and less productive. Taking this week to curtail myself really highlights how much of 2023 has been a flurry of creativity mostly because I’ve been abusing caffeine. I’m bummed to go a week without barfing out drawings and crochet, but I need this. Everyone needs breaks.

    I used to drink caffeine heavily to be productive, but I’m talking about “before I had kids.” I had to quit while pregnant both times (which was awful) and I didn’t love the caffeine in my milk when I was breastfeeding. Plus I’m really sensitive to it anyway; usually after a few days of slamming too much caffeine, I don’t sleep *at all* and I’m not productive anymore.

    This year I cracked the fact that if I’m not sleeping on caffeine, it’s because I’m deficient elsewhere (iron, the B-complex of vitamins, magnesium) so I’ve been abusing the heck out of it, to beautiful results.

    But everything doesn’t grow all the time. The echeveria in my windowsill has been drooping because her florets always face the line of the sun, and the sun has been sweeping just over the horizon. So her florets are basically sitting on the shelf. She drops the leaves that she can’t support with winter sunlight. Even my winter cacti have kinda said “fuck it” to flowering right now.

    Everyone’s asleep. I should sleep too. Humans aren’t meant to be “on” and growing all the time.

    ~

    Yesterday YouTube recommended this delightful song to me. It’s self-identified as Indian folk metal, and the screamed chorus of “de dana dan” is so catchy. It means “bring the beatdown.” It’s pronounced like “die, danadan DIE, danadan DIE” in the song, which means it sounds about right for the message in English too. The whole song is about kicking the crap out of abusers, which I think is a beautiful, wholesome message that clearly transcends language barriers, although the multilingual performance is excellent.

    ~

    It’s fun seeing how the diet industry has about-faced to insist upon the medicalization of fatness. This article from NPR about Oprah and Weight Watchers is full of the exact same diet industry nonsense I’ve seen my entire life. We’ve always seized upon the HOT NEW THING and claimed that someone can sell us the solution to the problem.

    Here we are claiming that it was wrong to blame everyone’s willpower (okay) but now it’s right to treat it just like a disease and use medication (um). WW is saying, “omg we were so bad and naughty about our old diet industry bullshit but we know better now and won’t do it again uwu <3” while…doing the diet industry thing.

    At this point, after a life of eating disorders, decades of unfortunately studying dietetics for ways to punish myself and rationalize that punishment, and maintaining a personality that is 50/50 fatphobic and fatloving (based on how mentally healthy I am at the moment), the actual problem seems obvious to me: Society is a fucking mess, we drive a lot and don’t move a ton, it’s easy to eat calorically dense foods, and stressed-out people are gonna eat more. Society keeps us perpetually stressed without relief.

    Of course WW wants to sell a solution to something it literally cannot solve. So I guess nothing has changed here. I shrug and wait for the diet industry to change again. Fat, carbs, salt, semaglutide, shaking your butt with an old timey machine wearing high heels, god only knows. A healthy human is a happy human and our society isn’t happy.

    ~

    Threats of a Tarantino Trek movie have been haunting the community for a while. Variety describes a pitch for a violent, bloody movie with swear words.

    Tarantino is one of those directors I think is *so interesting* that I was actually kinda vibing on the idea. You never know who’s a proper trek nerd! But this description sounds bad frankly. I’m sad we didn’t get it. lmao. I love interestingly bad things!

    My ethos with adaptations/additions/sequels to things I loved is that nothing can ruin the original. They can fuck around all they want, and I can just hide in the wholesome comforts of Star Trek IV if I don’t like it.

    ~

    On Twitter, Master Replicas announced a coming Moopsy plush. AhhhhHHHHH!

    ~

    Once border battles hurt the rich white people, the rich white people thrash on the ground and whine. “What about US?” (The New Yorker)

    ~

    Meanwhile AJE reports that Sri Lankan tourism is improving after a crisis. I have super mixed feelings about tourism as an industry since realizing how destructive/predatory tourism tends to be, but it’s also the main income for a lotta places at this point. So I guess I’m just watching and scratching my head for now.

    ~

    I’m a little behind on news I wanted to share. China’s had a really awful earthquake. This is an older update from AJE (like a day or so ago), but I don’t have a more recent article to link offhand.

    ~

    Psyche always has good reads. This one is relevant to the season: “At what point does the Santa myth become a harmful deception?

    I was wounded enough learning my parents were messing with me that I originally planned to keep no secrets from my kids. We weren’t gonna do the Santa thing. Then I had little kids. I realized babies don’t care, and toddlers/preschoolers have no differentiation between reality and fantasy. Santa’s like Batman to them.

    So we just chugged along doing Santa until Moonlight said “I know Santa isn’t real” and now Sunshine knows, and has told me he knows, but also has such a loose relationship with reality that he doesn’t seem to care. God, what a vibe.

    ~

    Tor shares the trailer for Daniel Kaluuya’s directorial debut. I didn’t know he was interested in stuff behind the camera! You’ll often see this with TV show actors whose contracts restrict them from acting in competing projects. They take up the directorial lens to expand their skills and further their career. I don’t think I see it in movies as much, but good for Kaluuya! I’m excited to see what his eye is like.

    ~

    BookRiot reports on legislative action to fight the sweep of book bans.

    ~

    The Jiggly Wiggly Space Tiggly has an amazing look at Uranus. No pun intended, but always accepted. (Engadget)

    (I don’t like James Webb so I don’t call the telescope by his name.)

    ~

    Here’s an awesome article from Ars Technica about worm-murdering fungi.

    When it senses a live worm, it will trap its victim and consume it alive—pure nightmare fuel. …Led by molecular biologist Hung-Che Lin, the research team discovered that the fungus synthesizes a sort of worm adhesive and additional trapping proteins to get ahold of its meal. It then produces enzymes that break down the worm so it can start feasting.

    Recently I also learned that fungi can foment ice formation, so I’m just kinda more in love with the mycelial world than ever.

    ~

    Variety is happy to share the news that actor Kate Micucci is cancer-free.

    ~

    Amazon has acquired the rights to WH40k movies and TV, and I am so used to seeing it stylized as 40k that it took me a minute to figure out what the title was saying. 40,000 what now?

    Henry Cavill is known to be a nerd. Reddit apocrypha says he cared a lot more about The Witcher’s canon than the show’s team, which is where that schism came from, allegedly. He is signed on to executive produce WH40k.

    WH40k in itself is such a criticism of massive systems like, say, corporate feudalists like Amazon, that I guess I’m just hoping for a pleasingly aesthetic interpretation more than a biting one. I’m sure they’ll just revel in the juicy violence.

    (The 40k in WH40k comes from sacrificing 40,000 people every day to an empire’s machine. Certain types of fans miss the nuances of this metaphor a lot.)

    ~

    Oof I really haven’t posted in a couple days. Did I even celebrate Chile rejecting a conservative constitution? (AJE)

    ~

    I have hundreds of articles to catch up on, so I’ll probably be back again soon. Happy Wednesday! I hope you’re unproductive!

  • Diaries,  writing

    Progressing on Dwarrow stuff for ATTBTM

    I spent a while yesterday working on nachīga, the language the Dwarrow use in my gothic fantasy novel. *Most* the work this new draft of the novel requires is actually on the Dwarrow, not the Àlvare, who are actually quite well developed.

    (I call dwarves Dwarrow for two reasons: Tolkien liked calling them Dwarrow, and also because “dwarf” means a lot of different things in English, including certain species of animals and a human skeletal disorder. Differentiating concepts linguistically should be done thoughtfully in fantasy, imo.)

    There’s so much work done on my Dwarrow that it’s easy for me to forget I’m missing some significant pieces. The Dwarrow were the first part of worldbuilding I did on this book, in fact. I wrote out this manifesto for the idea of how a society consciously aware of corruption and hierarchy might structure itself to prevent these things from growing.

    And that came about from thinking about Dwarf Fortress honestly – because in worldbuilding games, we take it for granted that we (the player/king/god) must provide every life form in our societies with food, housing, and medicine. But this is not the case in America and we find the idea revolting. We tell cultural stories about how unhoused people or those who are visibly ill are at fault for these qualities, villainizing the disfigured rather than the beautiful housed rulers who decided it’s okay some humans live this way.

    So I’ve got this weird manifesto about the society, I have maps, I have a lot of functional questions answered (levels of technology? applications of it? sanitation? fantasy mass transit?). But I actually didn’t do one of the most important parts of worldbuilding, which is the language itself for nachīga!

    It wasn’t essential to understand nachīga in the first draft. I wanted time spent with the elves to feel alienating, hostile, and foreign, so I integrated a lot of conlang words initially in order to distance readers from these hoity-toity fair folk. Meanwhile, Dwarrow were supposed to feel like a homecoming: wrapped in a big blanket of warm acceptance. I used common names for things to make it easier to follow and feel more familiar.

    A long time ago, years now, I created the Àlvare language-first. Every value I wanted for my elves, I put into the language. Being excessively elaborate. Deliberately obscure. Musical. Information-dense. Curated. So you can see why it would then feel weird coming “backwards” for my Dwarrow to finally arrive at the point where I need to design a language reflecting values/etc that have been elaborated on elsewhere. It’s a distillation rather than a foundation.

    Lots of fun getting into nachīga, though. Once I’ve determined rules for phonology and grammar and stuff, I use a software called Vulgarlang to produce my vocabulary. I go from “scratching my head over rules and IPA symbols” to “1500 vocabulary words in the dictionary” in a few minutes. It’s *really* satisfying.

    Since I spent so much time doing thoughtful worldbuilding stuff yesterday, I think today I should write cartoon dragon p0rn.

  • sara reads the feed

    Principles of exercise, mental rest, and imperfectionism

    I’ve mentioned before that I see what traffic goes where on this site, so I know that people *generally* don’t read the posts I don’t link on social media, and I almost never link SRF posts. Nonetheless, I enjoy the effect of dailyish blogging. For one thing, my sibling often still reads it, and Rory’s basically the only audience I ever care about, period. It’s a nice way to bring up news articles I might forget to discuss. I prefer not to be super-duper verbal irl. It’s always been easier to communicate like this.

    Also, just writing informally like this each day is good for me. It feels very good in terms of my writing skills, which feels weird to say, given that I have written so many millions of words that it isn’t worth counting. I am now so deeply sunken into nonverbal hobbies like crochet that I can go hours barely even *thinking* words, much less trying to form a coherent message out of them.

    I suspect that doing link round-ups with little life updates is giving me more or less the benefits of journaling. I also journal. But that’s almost all doodles (and 50% of those doodles are penises and boobies) so YES, it’s just good to be writing each day in some format.

    If I were motivated, I would try to flog all my friends into starting blogs and tell them how good it feels to stay in the practice of casual writing. Epistolary relationship with the void? But tbh I just want everyone to start blogs so I can follow them there and spend less time on social media. 2005 internet, I still miss you, forever.

    ~

    My kids put together a couple of gingerbread houses today. My family is the opposite of perfectionist. For us it’s like, we keep at it for a few minutes while the experience is novel and we’re enjoying the Christmas vibes, but then we’re putting these barely-decorated gingerbread monstrosities on the shelf and eating the candy. God knows when we’ll remember to throw out the dusty carcasses of cat-licked half-decorated desiccated gingerbread houses.

    We’re weird disasters together so I feel VERY holidays right now.

    ~

    Blue Origin’s New Shepard rocket will return to flight tomorrow after over a year grounded (Engadget)

    ~

    In Surreal Portraits, Rafael Silveira Plunges Into the Mysteries of the Human Psyche (Colossal)

    ~

    Olly is going to Sweden for Eurovision 2024! Is this the year I care about Eurovision?? (Variety)

    ~

    Julia Roberts has opinions about her characters post-movie, shared with Entertainment Weekly. I have not gotten an impression that Roberts is actually fond of romcoms so I’m not surprised these are a little odd. Anna “maintained her waist size.” Mmm.

    ~

    The FDA is investigating whether lead in applesauce pouches was deliberately added (NPR)

    Yikes.

    ~

    Kuwait’s Emir Sheikh Nawaf has passed away at the age of 86. This isn’t an area of world politics I know much about. Here is Al Jazeera’s roundup of statements from other world leaders, and NPR’s obituary has some more information about his career from an American perspective.

    ~
    Pakistan is using artificial rain to fight pollution. (AJE) It’s interesting to hear about geoengineering remedies for such issues, but it sounds like areas of effect are limited, and I gotta wonder what happens once all those air contaminants are in the water supply.

    ~

    The Marginalian has a fascinating read comparing principles of exercise to writing. I think about this all the time! Actually, I compare principles of exercise to just about everything all the time.

    The one I think about most is overload: You need to push past your normal limits in order to grow. I personally think of it as “training to 120% of what you need to do.” If you’re Beyonce and wanna look Beyonce-sharp at Beychella, you can’t just rehearse for Beychella. You commit to an overall training plan that will make you physically capable of doing a performance 120% the size of Beychella, so Beychella is effortless.

    I think this 120% preparation principle probably applies to a few areas in life. I wouldn’t describe it as “overload” in regards to writing though. What I usually do is write at least 120% of the words that actually get published. For all the functional, useful words I write, I also write off in other directions to condition myself. (Fanfic, poetry, essays, movie reviews, etcetera.)

    Another useful principle is specificity: In order to get better at writing novels, you just gotta write novels. It’s also more granular than that. You get better at writing urban fantasy by writing UF. You get better writing close POV writing close POV. And if you *only* write those things, your skills are not *entirely* transferable; you will need to get specific to learn about writing romance if you’re coming from a thrillers-specific background.

    But I would argue the Principle of Rest is actually most important, and it’s the principle I’ve taken everywhere to extremely healing results. When you exercise (especially as you age) (and especially if you do high-stress stuff like heavy compound lifts), you need to rest in a very deliberate way. You can’t just keep running around willy nilly if you’re training for a marathon. You have to make sure you’re sleeping a lot, drinking a lot of water, doing light exercises to keep comfortable, and sometimes you don’t train at all. Sometimes between marathons, you might need to take off months! (I think I heard a marathoner gasp somewhere just when I typed it. But I said what I said.)

    The same thing goes with creativity. You can’t push-push-push, even when it feels great. You must consciously, deliberately rest from that kind of creative activity. You need things that help you turn off entirely. And you need stuff that refills your cup.

    If you’re a writer, you don’t need to do ice bath plunges out of a hot tub. What you might need is a week away from words occasionally. Stop writing and go for a bunch of walks. Take extra time to nap. Watch a bunch of trashy junk tv. Draw penises in your journal.

  • Diaries,  facebook,  social media crossposts

    sara is a [redacted] woman

    You know, I always had a really weird relationship with gender. I am assigned female at birth; this matches my self-image (mostly) and how I present to the world (nowadays), but the lattermost thing was…not always the case.

    My mom is a progressive hippie who likes repairing things and grew up adjacent to ranching, so even though she was like, Princess Diana-beautiful in the 80s/early 90s, and *hella* fashionable, she did not enforce any gender roles on her kids. She let us do whatever. We got Barbies and Hot Wheels in equal measure. In a family without social life, I was basically raised agender. (I consider this to be a gift.)

    Self-awareness did not spontaneously develop. For a couple years as a teenager, I was persistently identified as a boy by others because I cut my hair short and wore t-shirts/jeans. Everyone actually thought I looked like Harry Potter. I vividly recall one old man stopping me in a supermarket to call me Harry Potter. I “felt” I was a girl, more like Kaylee on Firefly, and I HATED THIS PERCEPTION.

    But then I also spent a long time wondering like, could I be a guy? There are people like me who are guys. Everyone keeps telling me I’m a guy. (I was not sporty enough to ever be called a tomboy.) It would also explain why all these straight boys at school did *not* want anything to do with me. Maybe I was a gay guy barking up the wrong trees? I sat with this idea for a long long time but it just didn’t fit.

    My interests are/were more masculine, too. I was consistently the only girl in classes about computers and construction technology and GIS when GIS was new. Boys were *never* attracted to me, even though I was *desperately* attracted to boys (lol). (Funnily, my most serious relationship at the time was with a girl, so…) My longest real job was working in a data center, partially in a facilities capacity.

    When I became old enough to buy clothes, I didn’t really know how girls dressed, so I still didn’t know how to gender myself the way I wanted. I had no idea how to make people receive me as a woman. I pieced together an idea of what women are supposed to be like from 00s media and that went as well as you’d expect.

    Oh, and somehow I didn’t catch on from this that I was autistic until (checks watch) like last year, at 30-something years old. You’d think that someone who has no ability to form a self-image, no capacity for regulating one’s looks in regards to the social interface of gender, and a strong preference for extremely specific technical classes might realize what’s actually going on here.

    Anyway, I had to learn to become a woman, even though I’m afab and indeed (mostly) female. Nowadays I have absorbed transient beauty standards, trained myself in a lot of feminine affectations, and perform femininity regularly enough that I haven’t been identified as male in ages. (Getting GIANT BOOBS from 7 consecutive years of pregnancy/breastfeeding is surely a factor.) I have enjoyed being uniformly subjected to misogyny for a while and that’s uh…validating?

    But I actually *do* have a lot of traits that are very masculine, and I still refer to myself as a guy/man/king/etc probably more often than I refer to myself in the feminine. Even I don’t really know where the boundaries are on that. Just, in some contexts, I am a guy. I don’t know! Is it because I grew up with super agender socialization? Or I spent enough time being socially received and regarded as a boy that I just adopted some boy programming, since gender’s a social construct?

    Can you even keep up with this? I can’t. lol

    What I’m circling toward is that I think the nonbinary identity that mostly Gen Z uses is actually a relief.

    It’s a relief because my eldest is nonbinary, pretty much agender, and I truly did not internalize what that meant until my fetus externalized it. And it’s so natural to my child that I can simply relax and exist as myself around them. If I call myself a guy, a king, they don’t even bat an eye. I am Mommy, King of the Family, Just Some Guy, who birthed whole humans out her womb. I don’t have to perform any gender around my family. Turns out I am a very nurturing sweet husband who loves cute things. I want the public to receive me as a woman. It’s okay that all the pieces don’t make sense.

    Man/woman as a binary just doesn’t have to be a THING, if you don’t let it. fwiw, if you marry someone who’s bisexual, you can have any gender presentation and he’ll think you’re hot. that’s cool.

    (in case anyone is wondering – Please continue calling me she/her, but I also accept they/them or any neopronouns you like. No he/him unless we’re doing something sexy. As far as most anyone is concerned, I am fine being grouped broadly with women, but like…Stevia-sweetened woman. Diet Girl, with some artificial boy flavors.)
    (this isn’t news, i’m not coming out, i’m just musing because it’s related to something else I’m writing)

    ~

    The post above is cross-posted from Facebook. One remark I have to add, now having watched Barbie. I always think I’m a woman until I see what society thinks a woman is. Just like, whatever gender Margot Robbie and Scarlett Johansson and Julia Roberts are, I’m not that. I thought I was a woman. Society has consistently begged to differ.

  • sara reads the feed

    Crochet, power dynamics, and eavesdropping technology

    Most of my productive work these last couple of low mood days has been crocheting. Has anyone else noticed that crocheting is awesome? No? It’s just me? I literally invented it? Yeah well crochet is awesome.

    I’m tearing through a hex cardigan with amazing patience. I have no idea where this came from. I can say “I’m going so fast on this!” after I’ve spent like, four hours a day working on it for at least five days. And I mean it! I just don’t care that it’s taking so long to put together.

    I did care before I made my Buttons Collection. That’s a group of ten crocheted purses made with prefab fake leather bases, each in increasing complexity. They started out taking a long afternoon to make, then turned into week-long projects by the end. They actually *aren’t* the same stitch repeated endlessly, but in fact pretty complicated! So I don’t know why I gained this new degree of patience from making those, but I have.

    It’s super nice. Maybe I will have time to crochet a couple other smaller presents before Christmas.

    ~

    I reviewed Barbie. It’s one of my longer reviews; the unabridged version is 2000 words. There’s a more focused version on Letterboxd.

    I think that I managed to get across the complexity of thought and emotion that I hoped to impart, but I almost think it’s silly to engage on that level? Because once you do engage on that level, the movie’s a bit of a glass onion. It looks like a very layered movie to sell toys. If you peel through the layers of metaphor and aesthetic, you find…it wants to sell you toys.

    ~

    Mayim Bialik declined to host a Jeopardy event during the SAG-AFTRA strike. Subsequently she will no longer be hosting Jeopardy. (NPR)

    ~

    I’m suddenly seeing articles about how all our devices (Ars Technica) with microphones are eavesdropping (Variety) as if we didn’t know about it already.

    Confirmation does make it feel different, but on a practical level, nothing has changed.

    ~

    AJE talks about Javier Milei’s three-year rise to power as a bad-haired far-right Argentinian president. I was trying to pick a paragraph to pull quote but it’s kinda too big a picture to reduce it in that way.

    He came up in the desperation of COVID-19, but there are a lot of other factors, many of which rhyme with other populist figures.

    ~

    The US decided pandemic aid was good enough and let it run out. Homelessness has hit record highs. (NPR)

    ~

    Oppenheimer 4k Blu-rays are selling out in a time when retailers are trying to offload all their stock of physical media. (Variety)

    ~

    Larian Studios informs us that Baldur’s Gate III will never come to Game Pass. (Engadget) The reasoning is more than fair.

    Vincke says that Baldur’s Gate 3 is a “big game” that’s available for a “fair price.” He also touted the title’s lack of microtransactions and its complete story, saying “you get what you pay for.” To that end, a completionist run in Baldur’s Gate 3 takes more than 140 hours, according to HowLongToBeat. That breaks down to about 40 cents an hour, which seems like a good value to me.

    I agree. It’s a great value. This game is all I ever want from games. I’ve been doing the thing where I restart games about a thousand times before I actually finish it, so I think I’ve cleared 140 hours and I’m not even out of the first act. lol

    ~

    The difficulty we’re having discussing Israel and Palestine in America (NPR) reminds me of McCarthyism a bit, but I wasn’t actually alive for that so I don’t know if it’s a good comparison. Pretty grim though.

    ~

    Just kidding! Keep the nudity off Twitch. (Engadget) I had predicted that the updated policy would benefit pornbots rather than normal folk, but actually, AI-generated porn immediately swamped the system and they got rid of it again.

    ~

    Digby’s Hullaballoo challenges us to put our ferocious feelings into actions. It’s a fair challenge. But it also feels a bit like more finger-wagging from author Anand Giridharadas, a professional pundit. Saying, “You’re not doing the thing” is easy. Saying, “Come do the thing with me!” and following through is a lot harder.

    Most of us don’t have the skills for organization; many of us do not have the capability. A lot of leftists are disabled and, one way or another, stuck in our houses. We organize online, which is meaningful; I have been lucky to be adjacent to rather massive community movements to see it happen. I see how organizers (many of whom are also disabled in another way) bring people together with awe and admiration.

    I can name a few organizers in my community I’m grateful for, since I tend to orbit around romancelandia’s political activism at a distance, and they’re so much more motivational than a dude on Chris Hayes saying “you aren’t doing the thing.” And most of us honestly aren’t organizers, but followers. We wanna follow.

    Do the thing and invite us to join you, please?

    As physically quiet as the anti-Trumpism is, I expect an absolute tidal wave of quietly terrified voters in November. The question to me is whether our extant so-called democratic systems will matter. Reformation on the institutional level hasn’t been happening very quickly, has it?

     

  • sara reads the feed

    Editing my bad mood, remembering I’m clueless, and family stuff

    I made the featured image on this post a stock photo of a panda (thanks Depositphotos) because I’m grumpy and it’s harder to be grumpy around pandas.

    ~

    Yesterday I thought I was calling Dean Phillips stupid on Bluesky, only to realize it was only a mechanical turk shilling for him. Then I felt really bad calling a mechanical turk stupid and I felt especially clueless for forgetting nobody ever stands somewhere they can catch the mud they deserve.

    One thing I hate about Reality is the layers of protection between the people who deserve to get cussed at and me, the person who wants to cuss at them. I have a very narrow strip of humanity that I believe truly, in my soul, deserve to be cussed at, and yet another empty suit running an ego parade to agitate the base against the incumbent (who i don’t. even. like.) is someone who absolutely deserves to be cussed at.

    But he’s not even doing his own dirty work, of course. I always suspect a blowhard like Dean Phillips (I hope he has a google alert on his name) is a bad actor benefiting from outside governments’ funding knowingly or otherwise. Knowingly or otherwise, the man is stupid, and goddammit I want to be standing somewhere I can tell him directly. I want to look that man in the eye (through my phone screen ideally because the outdoors? yikes) and say, “You are wasting everyone’s time and money and you are BAD FOR THE COUNTRY, stupid.”

    Telling the ruling class that they suck is actually a really important civic duty.

    Which is why they hire people to stand around and get told *they* suck instead.

    I always know there’s a reason I keep myself reined in on my natural levels of grumpiness, and it’s because I always regret taking out my grumpiness on anyone. I like being a bit of a grumpy person. I just really don’t think the vast majority of humanity has earned it. Everyone (who isn’t Dean Phillips) is a potential friend and current neighbor.

    ~

    I finally posted my review for Lucy. I had to edit it a few times before posting because I have *really* strong feelings about older men taking advantage of younger women, to the point I wrote entire fiction series about it. I managed to make things less rageful I think? Well, less expletive riddled.

    I once knew an author whose fetish was transparently abuse against women; he often spoke of how much he loved seeing their strength by how they prevailed. How their bodies could be liquefied by the abuse, yet they would keep going.

    This was an author I knew through a professional space. I looked around at his online presence and the fact his fetish was beating women was very obvious. It was in his art, his books, everything. Worse, he tried to involve everyone in his fetish. He always tried to turn forum discussions toward this violence and how hot it is for powerful women to stand through it.

    I made him my personal project. I rallied support on the board and I wouldn’t stop commenting on everything he posted. I made such a public stink about this man fetishizing abuse of women, and trying to abuse women on the internet, that an extremely complacent white dude admin finally banned him.

    And that admin then scolded me publicly because he didn’t like I’d put him in a position where he was forced to act. I told him he should be grateful I forced him to act like a decent human. And then I threw a forum party for the women who were safer *despite* the actions of *extremely whiny and complacent* men who were happy to enable this shit.

    I have zero room in my heart for men like that. No patience. No quarter. They deserve to retreat in shame.

    So I kinda gotta avoid that stuff when I can’t go flaming sword about it? Because I *want* to go flaming sword, but the forum situation was one place where I could actually be effective. I have no power against Hollywood directors. I am just some guy.

    Hence Lucy is simply a bad movie by an uncreative fool who hates women and that’s gotta be where I leave it.

    ~

    A review of Rebel Moon from Variety isn’t exactly enthusiastic. I don’t trust Variety to know genre well enough to tell the difference between a stale trope and an old trope executed in a new way. I’m gonna have to watch it and see what I think.

    Zack Snyder is kind of an odd duck. I don’t think I’ve seen a movie of his I would necessarily call “good,” and I think we have vastly different opinions about humanity that leave us little room for overlap in taste. But his movies are interesting, if nothing else. I usually enjoy trying to figure out wtf he was thinking enough to watch em twice.

    ~

    The Marginalian talks about being thin-skinned as a kind of permeable membrane that means we feel the amount of universe inside of us more. This is my kind of drug logic, I love it. Yesss just call me a walking biphospholipid membrane why don’t you

    ~

    We, culturally, lost our dear parasocial friend Andre Braugher to aggressive lung cancer. Love for the Braugher family. Sooo much love.

    ~

    A noteworthy portion of pandemic relief funding went to the arts. (NPR) I would be interested to know how much of that funding reached the working class.

    ~

    I blogged about alloparents in a previous Sara Reads the Feed, and here NPR shares lots of heartwarming alloparenting stories from people patiently indulging white americans who didn’t know it takes a village.

    ~

    NPR also reports that Prince Harry has won one of his cases against the British media.

    ~

    This Tor dot Com review of A Study in Drowning sounds interesting, so I’m putting the review here to come back around and try the book later. I’m way more interested in books that have a supportive story about the artist and methodology, tbh. I’m way more interested in methodology than hooks.

    That said, doesn’t it kinda suck how many of us have to put lipstick on our trauma and then market it to other people so we can make a living?

    ~

    The Eyewall has the funnest read about blowing up tornadoes.

    ~

    More from Carmack about classic Doom. (Ars Technica) He’s had a lot to say the last couple years, so if these insights are valuable to you beyond nostalgia, definitely do a googlin.

    As for the nostalgia element? Listening to Carmack talk is like sitting down with an old computer guy who was programming using punch cards. If you haven’t had the privilege, I’ll tell you that you can indeed get grains of interesting information out of them, around an overwhelming onslaught of happy old nerd man just kinda…talking. The nostalgia is never enough to get me through it, lol. I say this with *enormous* love for happy old nerd men, several of which alloparented me from 18-24 years old.

    ~

    Federal regulators might crack down on Starbucks’s union busting. (NYT)

    ~

    Articles about an A24 Death Stranding movie keep coming across my timeline. I don’t think I’ve mentioned on Egregious that this is one of my all-time favorite video games against *incredibly* steep competition, like Doom. The cutscenes of Death Stranding alone form an outstanding flick, and they know it, so this will be an original story in the same universe. I’m totally open to it, but apprehensively so, as any elder video game fan approaches movie adaptations of the games we like.

    ~

    Tor dot Com actually has a lotta good reviewers on board. I loved this read about Gene Wilder’s Wonka as one of the fey.

  • sara reads the feed

    The headache persists, the bad mood persists, I’m just Astarion’s boyfriend now

    As I mentioned yesterday, I’m pulling back on visits with my bffs caffeine and weed so my mood is sourer than hag testicles.

    I think I’d been eating food that had gone a little funny. My sense of taste has honestly never been the same since I got covid in 2022 – although it did mostly return – and I’m never sure if food Actually Tastes Bad or if I just Think Food Tastes Bad. So I was eating bad carton eggs for a couple days.

    I’ve discovered my digestion is tied to everything else in my body – basically if my digestion goes bad for any reason, *everything else* will go bad in a dramatic way. I had a *really* bad night two nights ago, and dodgy eggs would account for some of the issues. I am on lowkey gastric rest and reducing digestive stressors (like caffeine) so I will be okay.

    I hope you’re in the mood for me to be grumpy about the news because I sure am.

    ~

    Literally right now I am just kinda playing BGIII because existing is exhausting and I can barely move. Video games are the ideal distraction for a shitty Sara.

    I made one of my book characters as a cleric, and we hooked up with Astarion, and I’m good now. I feel like life is good.

    ~

    I’ve been haunted by this New Yorker article about so-called self-driving cabs ever since I read it. Did you know that those self-driving cabs without anyone visibly behind the wheel may (probably) still have a human worker actually hidden in a compartment inside the car?

    ~

    According to Netflix’s streaming data, JLo’s about as much the star of 2023 as Margo Robbie.

    It’s fun seeing Netflix release these numbers. Amazon would never do it for their book authors, but for…gosh, I was gonna say years, but it’s honestly at least a decade now…self-published and ebook-first titles have been vastly outpacing their traditional publishing brethren in audience. Indies could sprint circles around new releases from major household name authors sometimes, and nobody would ever report on it because those ephemeral numbers simply don’t count.

    Efforts from various publishing forces have kneecapped this to a degree, but there are still indies that the greater world had never heard of making 6+ figures *each month*, completely dominating entertainment in many households, just like JLo.

    And I bet JLo doesn’t compare to the viewerships of some independent youtubers or TikTokers.

    Will there ever be a cultural reconciliation of this media environment, or is the money and power traditional media companies hold total enough to keep this shit second-tier forever?

    I don’t actually have to care anymore, lol. I bounce off of everything popular no matter the distribution lines. The “entertainment media as social bonding” part of my brain is utterly broken. And since I’m only trying to serve my own creations to an audience of roughly 10 reliable buds, I’ve got zero horses in the game. Neigh? Nay.

    ~

    Twitch walked back their thing about nudity a little bit.

    My prediction is that it’s like Tumblr, where they got rid of nudity long enough to drive away all the interesting, disabled, queer adult creators, but they’ll let the porn bots back.

    ~

    Trains in Poland were designed with ransomware and got bricked by the creator. (Ars Technica)

    ~

    Since we learned the government has been spying on Apple’s push notifications without warrants, Apple now has the same policy as Google: law enforcement needs a warrant. (Engadget)

    ~

    Variety asks, where are the major nominations for Ava DuVernay’s movie?