• sara reads the feed

    Giant ancient shlonger, an excuse to eat candy, and a ban on eating dogs

    My anxiety has been on a rampage for a couple days. I have really severe money-related anxiety, regardless of the reality of the money situation, and I have discovered I absolutely cannot rationalize my way through stress surrounding it. I have to see myself being anxious about money and just say, “That is an anxiety problem.” And then treat it as such.

    This ties into business generally. I keep trying to edge back into working on publishing matters, but the emotional burden is so intense. It’s a minefield of triggers turning me insensate. A real issue.

    I emailed around looking for local therapists who do EMDR, since it was recommended to me specifically as a treatment that might help, but I have not had any luck.

    On the bright side, I can safely say the level of my anxiety has nothing to do with the precarity of my money situation. It’s just one of my brain’s favorite hits to play when I’m freaking out. I have a few categories of Brain’s Greatest Hits off the anxiety playlist: I’m So Fat, I’m a Bad Mom, We Are Going to Lose Everything We Have, My Husband Secretly is Sick of Me, etcetera.

    The fact I only took a couple three days to work through this protracted panic and realize it *is* just a panic is actually kinda record turnaround though? It’s encouraging to see growth in myself. I am not yet where I want to be.

    In the absence of EMDR for now, I sincerely think I just need to work slowly, but persistently, work on mindfulness with my support system, and maybe even write up a few affirmations to remind myself of what’s going on when my head’s too muzzy to distinguish Brain’s Greatest Hits from Actual Reality.

    ~

    Lawyers, Guns, & Money shared a really interesting article about the quality of AI writing essays. It’s so good, I don’t want to summarize it or bury it. It’s not very long. Give it a read, Trek nerds.

    ~

    A new publication asserts that the Cerne Abbas Giant may represent Hercules (Ars Technica).

    A major attraction of Dorset, England, is the Cerne Abbas Giant, a 180-foot-tall figure of a naked man wielding a large club carved with chalk into a hilltop. A pair of historians offers a strong case that this figure was originally meant to represent Hercules from Greek mythology, perhaps to inspire West Saxon armies, who could have used the site as a muster station. […]

    “It’s become clear that the Cerne giant is just the most visible of a whole cluster of early medieval features in the landscape,” said co-author Helen Gittos, an early medieval historian at the University of Oxford, told The Guardian. “I think we’ve found a compelling narrative that fits the giant into the local landscape and history better than ever before, changing him from an isolated mystery to an active participant in the local community and culture.”

    There are whole levels to how much I love this. First of all, because I love getting a sense of prehistoric civilization. It’s really easy to imagine calling some artists together to work on a giant penis dude to get the Saxon armies hyped. Imagine showing up to your muster station on day one of the new battle against whoever you’re fucking with this time, and y’all have this giant art piece to inspire you.

    Sincerely, it makes me feel so vividly in the time-and-place. Knowing that they were decorating these spaces with a ~mood~ in such a way makes me think of, like, conventions in Las Vegas.

    Also, lol penis.

    ~

    A bit of frippery perhaps. A doctor on People Magazine suggested super-sour Warheads for interrupting panic attacks. It sounds silly, but I can actually understand what he’s getting at here. People seem to misinterpret it as “eat candy and forget about your problems,” but I think this is just a literal interruption to a maladaptive chemical feedback loop.

    Sour to induce whatever chemicals sour induces (maybe we register it like pain? adrenaline? dopamine?), and then inducing different facial expressions will also change the chemical process in your brain… Yeah, I see what he’s getting at. It’s using candy like medication.

    And it’s not denying whatever issues are at hand, either. Like, panic attacks aren’t necessarily about something immediate. You can have a meltdown over a trigger when nothing is going on. Or maybe you’re panicking over a fair issue, but the size of the panic isn’t appropriate. Snapping yourself out of it with a Warhead isn’t a bad idea.

    This is the kind of frippery I enjoy.

    ~

    Dog meat is officially illegal in South Korea. (NPR) Although this seems like an easy win from an animal welfare standpoint, I’d like to offer another perspective: dog meat is a food associated with lower income communities, rural areas, the like. I think it’s kind of a hardship food that has grown traditions around it, as often happens.

    While we’re celebrating dog safety, I hope there is also no rush to increase policing on socially marginalized groups. Changing traditions takes time. And I think it’s kinda universal in all countries that more cops in poor neighborhoods is a bad idea.

    The bill would make the slaughtering, breeding, trade and sales of dog meat for human consumption illegal from 2027 and punish such acts with 2-3 years in prison. But it doesn’t stipulate penalties for eating dog meat.

    The bill would offer assistance to farmers and others in the industry for shutting down their businesses or shifting to alternatives. Details of outlawing the industry would be worked out among government officials, farmers, experts and animal rights activists, according to the bill.

    “Details are going to be worked out later now that we’ve passed the law” is always worrying. I guess it’s normal. But I’m normally worried about government compassion for the people it governs.

    ~

    This column by John Cassidy in The New Yorker makes me wanna yark.

    Simply put, they greatly improve the welfare of countless Americans, including some of the neediest ones. In many ways, indeed, keeping the jobless rate low and the labor markets tight is the most effective and cost-efficient welfare policy there is.

    Actually, welfare is the best welfare policy.

    Democrats are so wrong-headed by insisting on the marriage between work and human rights. Not everyone can work. Work should not be perilous. Life doesn’t have to be this hard. I’m steamed.

    This is the stuff they’re gonna shove down our gullets leading up to the election. We’re supposed to be motivated to vote Blue by this human-hating capital-loving nonsense.

    ~

    The Navajo Nation objects to human remains interred on the Moon. (NPR) Frankly, I agree. I kinda don’t want humans chucking random junk up there, period. Why in the world do we feel we have any right to littering the Moon with commercial payloads?

    I believe in human expansion into the stars someday, but right now we’re only capable of doing it in the ways we know how: disrespectfully, exploitatively, and commercially.

    ~

    Breivik is suing Norway for human rights abuse (AJE). This was a mass shooter from a few years back. This incident really shook me.

    I am opposed to solitary confinement. If he’s in solitary confinement, that is a human rights abuse. But this sort of thing shows me that I do have limitations in who I think is human. I’m like, does a man who hunted teenager have human rights? The answer should be yes if I were idealogically consistent to the end, but here we are.

    My most American stance is that someone like Breivik (not even all mass shooters, but ones like Breivik) should not occupy any societal resources or time at all, and it’s unfortunate he ever got off that island to be put in solitary confinement. Whatever happens to him after that is hardly a tragedy.

    Breaking: I am a petty human like the rest of y’all.

    ~

    Margot Robbie is happy to see Harley Quinn mythologized and reinterpreted by Lady Gaga (Variety). I am too.

    I’m thinking more broadly about Robbie and Gerwig’s career goals, though. From Robbie in this article:

    “We want to make more films that have the effect that ‘Barbie’ has. I don’t know if it has to be ‘Barbie 2.’ Why can’t it be another big, original, bold idea where we get an amazing filmmaker, a big budget to play with, and the trust of a huge conglomerate behind them to go and really play? I want to do that.”

    I’m sure they would. Gerwig and Robbie have made it clear that their goal is to win at this system we have right now. They’ve identified their gender as the only thing standing in their way of winning at this system.

    I thought Barbie would make a legitimate run at the awards seasons, but it kinda looks like Pretty Things – the “feminist” movie made by men about a dead pregnant woman who becomes sex-crazy after having her fetus’s brain put into her body – is going to take a lot of the awards I expected Barbie to get.

    Losing to some guy making some weirdo movie about his idea of a sexy weird woman is probably going to validate their worldview – that it’s hard being a woman. It also validates my worldview, which is that the system is a wreck, they’re wasting their time trying to be good at an abusive system, and I hope they are happy with the work itself because how you spend your days is how you spend your life and the work might be the only reward they get.

    Well, and a gazillion dollars. Being a white blonde woman in a man’s world isn’t without benefits. People wouldn’t beg to be picked if it wasn’t good, yeah? And I’m sure Gerwig and Robbie are making enough money to buy their own validation at this point?

    ~

    Thank goodness Peter Jackson understood The Lord of the Rings. The studio wanted him to kill off a Hobbit. (The Guardian)

    I think the level of studio intervention in the Hobbit movies is why they’re so terrible. Everything is rushed, the studio got its wants, nothing makes sense with the canon, and the movies aren’t popular.

  • Diaries

    Words I don’t understand

    Ikigai is a Japanese word without a direct equivalent in English, though I suppose it could be considered the spirit of life, what makes life worth living, the quality of it all. I read about it in an interesting article about robots for assisting dementia patients. (Wired) Not in basic life tasks like hygiene, but in improving the general experience of living for people who have major cognitive impairments. Treatments for things like dementia often involve regressing into happy memories, but some researchers want to help folks enjoy their present and future for as long as they have it, and that means improving ikigai.

    Until the last couple years, I had a good life. I have been successful. There wasn’t anything to complain about. But I was struggling internally, and it felt like all the good stuff happened around this giant gaping bleeding wound that would never heal. I could never forget about the giant gaping bleeding wound. I’d have loads of fun, experiencing beauty and the regular gamut of emotions, while also constantly gushing blood. It feels like it would be easier to say life was fine – even good – but I had poor ikigai.

    This ties into my other favorite word English doesn’t translate directly: bildung. Bildung is the German concept of self-growth, a journey of becoming better and more yourself through time. You may have heard of the bildungsroman, which is like a coming of age novel.

    In order to improve my ikigai, I needed to have a whole bildung, and that was kinda the first half of my thirties. I feel so much happier than I’ve felt before. I’m not all the way healed, but this seeping hole is crusting over and getting scabby. Could I think of a grosser metaphor for something pleasant? Life is messy and gross and good.

    I’ve also been thinking about quality of life through one’s declining years. I’ve been the hospice for several sickly, aging animals now, and although I haven’t yet needed to care for an aging relative (knock on wood), I contemplate it because age is coming for all of us eventually (hopefully). I think about how little children don’t remember much of anything. But we try to give them great experiences and so much joy within the cognitive limitations of childhood. If we lovingly embrace our aging elders, even through the heartbreak of knowing this is a regression rather than a progression, could we also enjoy each other better, longer? Could we all have better ikigai?

    I’m probably using the word wrong, but I just like the concept a lot right now.

    ~

    Although I’ve been feeling more peaceful and healed, I feel I’m missing out on supporting my family financially. I’m doing stuff in that direction slowly, trying to amp myself back up for more work, but I tried last year too and kinda slipped so I feel less confident about my ability to get my feet under me. Heck, I also tried to get my feet under me for a yearish of college and slipped at that too. They have been gentle small slips as I attempt gentle steps, but it’s not been too encouraging.

    I used to get a lot of pride and self-worth out of bringing ample bacon home for my family. I’m no longer confident I can do that, and it’s really not just a blow to my ego (long since faded–like I said, I’ve been healing) but also it makes me feel really uncertain about myself. I always supported myself since I was 18. The last year or two, I have not contributed as much as my spouse. It’s scary! And I honestly feel like I don’t deserve this time to reorient myself, like I am not pulling my weight.

    We don’t mind living a smaller life, mostly. We aren’t hurting. We aren’t having lavish vacations anymore, but I don’t think it markedly changes the quality of life for me! Like all the stuff I used to go out and do and spend money on was as much stress as positive influence, on the good end of things, and I appreciate the less-stressful life at home that has allowed me to flourish in new creative directions.

    Normally I remember this and I’m good. The most productive thing to do is just focus on getting better at working again in healthy ways, and really put my energy into that, not so much beating myself up for what I can’t do compared to my past. The past is the past. Yanno?

    I’ve been feeling a jolt once in a while lately. Like a cold splash or an electric shock. Like I just woke up 7-8 years ago, realized I hadn’t released a book in months, and have an immediate panic attack. I used to release almost monthly. I was always searching for new opportunities, making connections, marketing, straining through books. The life I’m living right now was my fear. I would have seen myself as utterly worthless. It took years of growth to get to a place where I stopped valuing myself based on external factors at all, and started realizing I have inherent value, but sometimes it’s like…all that growth just vanishes in a blink and I’m scared and bleeding again.

    What am I so afraid of? Taking it easy now doesn’t mean all my past accomplishments stop counting. And my current non-financial accomplishments are so meaningful. Moving away from a capitalist sense of value has been really important for me.

    I almost feel like this is a sign I should shake myself around a little and step up my effort on working–in healthful ways, of course. Indulging fear won’t help me, but I gotta get motivation somewhere? I really do work every day. I write plenty. But I think I need to really focus on finishing the twelve thousand unfinished projects sitting out there. I feel so much better whenever I have something to show for my efforts.

  • Diaries

    Some 2023 statistics off Sara’s Letterboxd

    Earlier I ranked my top 10 movies from 2023, but here are a few other fun stats from my Letterboxd about the year’s movie-watching habits.

    My first film watched was 10 Things I Hate About You. It’s funny because I ended the year thinking I was due a rewatch. Apparently I’m on an annual cycle with this one?

    The last film I logged in 2023 was my second viewing of What Happens Later, which made me cry happily all over again.

    Since I watched over 200 films, Letterboxd made note of some important milestones.

    On the other hand, there were three movies that I rewatched more than others, logging each of them three times on Letterboxd.

    • Bottoms was one of my favorite movies of the year, and it had the most rewatchability. It really has that “I have to make xyz watch it now” factor.
    • I rewatched Nimona several times right when it came out because the queer and family-friendly message resonated, but it’s hard to watch movies with my kids at the same time. It’s in my top 10 for the year for sure.
    • Mandy was the dark horse of rewatches. I blasted through it three times early in the year when I was on a horror binge. The vibes are so absolute, it consumed me. I think I’m due to revisit it.

    Comedy and romance ended up being the main genres of my year, with 114 and 74 films respectively logged. It’s no surprise. I really took off watching romcoms after Halloween.

    That said, I gave the highest ratings on average to animated movies and action/adventure.

    Since I have Letterboxd Pro, I have a lot of interesting statistics that aren’t worth recapping here, but probably very representative of my interests as a human being. Here’s a screenshot of one highlight. There’s a lotta words, so click to embiggen, or you can just go look at my stats on Letterboxd.

    Basically I like movies that are very exciting, genre, and juvenile that have Meg Ryan in them. Maybe not all at once.

    The last statistic on the page is one of the more interesting ones. It’s a list of popular 2023 movies I haven’t logged yet.

    • Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is the first, and I don’t know if I’ll finish watching it until the sequel comes out. I found it pleasant to watch but it didn’t grab me the way the first one did. It’s hard to get invested knowing it’s got a cliffhanger, too.
    • Two movies are related to Attack on Titan, which is a cool property (I’ve read a couple manga and played the AoT Fortnite event) but I don’t plan to see the movies.
    • I have no desire to see the Eras Tour movie or Oppenheimer.
    • I’m still waffling on Pretty Things because the aesthetic is great but the story sounds awful.
    • I haven’t paid any attention to Past Lives or The Holdovers. I wonder if I should watch them?
  • sara reads the feed

    Peloton makes Christopher Nolan sweat, May December is exploitative comedy maybe, and labor rights as usual

    I mentioned a while back that I got a $15 balance board off Amazon and I love it. Guess what? It’s mostly fixed my hip pain (at least the way that matters to me right now). I can stand at my desk for hours. When my hip/back starts aching at all, I climb on the balance board.

    My guess is that it’s just engaging all the muscles I normally don’t engage standing and sitting around, and that’s enough to stabilize my hip. Or whatever. The first week or so, I felt that achiness that indicates muscle growth in all sorts of weird places, like the adductors, obliques, and even my *deltoids*? (I think because my arms have to stabilize me against the desk to use my computer.)

    Whatever I was missing in my routine to alleviate pain, the board has helped way more than using the treadmill at my desk and going for walks and stuff. It’s awesome.

    Typing honestly isn’t my favorite on the balance board, just because it makes me so tall that I can’t raise my standing desk any higher and it’s not ergonomically ideal. But I’ve been using it a lot for gaming. My combination is padded standing mat + balance board + slippers with supportive soles, and I can stay standing for hours.

    ~

    My favorite chuckle of the morning came from Christopher Nolan complaining that a Peloton instructor shit-talked Tenet during a class (Variety), unaware Nolan was in the class. Hysterical. Nolan’s response was (paraphrased) “How dare you? Criticism shouldn’t be instinct but a job.” Meaning he thinks nobody should have opinions on movies where he might hear them unless they’re a critic.

    I still love Nolan’s directorial style, but the last couple years have made it clear he’s intolerably precious. He’s among the guard of Hollywood who feels entitled to the movie community’s time. He feels the movie community should have gates and keepers. He thinks that he should have a certain number of big screens for a certain period of time. He thinks the masses should keep their opinions to themselves, as someone who only gets these budgets because the masses tolerate him.

    I think Nolan is a giant wiener who should accept nobody *needs* to take movies as preciously as he does. And he should accept that being a household name means everyone has opinions on him. He can’t reshape the world to his demands no matter how many times he stomps his feet; the world is not made of executives kissing his rings for providing profit-generating content. Nolan needs to learn to Deal With It.

    I like art to be rowdy and messy and full of unprofessional people and so Nolan’s preciousness has officially made him a target of my playful mockery. I hope he never knows another peaceful Peloton class. Fucking Peloton! They hurt his feelings! What a precious little wiener. lmao.

    ~

    Kate Hudson keenly noted that romcoms are hard to make now (The Hollywood Reporter) because, ultimately, studios aren’t investing in good writers. The headline is about actors, but she says it’s because studios aren’t getting writers that write movies worth big-name time. Hudson is surely longing for another Nora Ephron, much like Meg Ryan, and it’s just nice seeing folks remember that writing matters once in a while.

    ~

    I am not disturbed by the man in Las Vegas attacking the judge. (NPR) Did you watch the video? He tried to make himself vulnerable in a plea for leniency based on his overall behavior, and she crisply, patronizingly said something like, you need a taste of punishment, byyyeee. I just think it would take a real strong person not to lose their shit over this.

    I don’t know what he did to land in the court. Maybe he’s a horrible person. But I just don’t think that people with the power to toss humans into the meat grinder of our carceral system with the sneering dismissal of a middle school math teacher should be *surprised* if they get an unpleasant reaction. Do you know how violent the entire prison system is? Do you know what’s going to take over this man’s entire life for months/years to come, and probably has already done a mess to him?

    I’m not violent personally; I just find it a willfully ignorant position to act like judges are vulnerable lil innocent babies when they are knowing, powerful participants in a vicious system. This man looked so desperate to me. America puts way too many people in desperate positions.

    ~

    Vili Fualaau, the victim of Mary Kay Letourneau, doesn’t like May December. (IndieWire)

    When I watched the movie, I thought it was more broadly cribbed off the type of abuse in the Letourneau case, not about the Letourneau case specifically. Shortly thereafter I learned that some lines were directly taken from an interview with Fualaau and Letourneau, and the lisp that was so central to the female characters also came from the real-life abuser. It’s not as much a mosaic as I thought. It’s much more direct, like Velvet Goldmine.

    I do feel like May December is yet another act of abuse against Fualaau, effectively; it’s insane we live in a world where others’ stories are fair game for profit-making schemes. The fact that May December is one of the most tasteful and respectful iterations doesn’t matter from the viewpoint of the man it’s about.

    It’s crazy to think he’s been dealing with this public scrutiny of his life for so long. Letourneau truly robbed this person of any opportunity to be innocent, and the various sordid retellings make creators complicit in this theft.

    As for my position as a viewer who loved the movie, I don’t know. I already deal with this dilemma in all sorts of media that I routinely enjoy. True crime is riddled with people who don’t consent to their involvement; the industry is built on furthering trauma against victims. I think it’s normal for humans to be sordidly curious. I also think all humans have deep deep flaws, and maybe my conscious willingness (and enthusiasm) to engage with media that makes entertainment of others’ pain is one of my worse ones.

    That’s not satisfying commentary, I know. But I think it’s true all at once that May December is great filmmaking, and an act of abuse against Fualaau, and a sign that I like juicy stuff even when it hurts people. The fact the movie itself may ask us how similar we are to Portman and Moore’s characters in our complicity with this situation is so much of why I liked it.

    There’s also a lot of conversation right now as to whether May December should be regarded as comedy. (Variety)

    ~

    It’s interesting to hear that use of hearing aids (NPR) can lengthen life span, since hearing loss can worsen cognitive *everything,* isolate the individual, and send them to an early grave.

    I don’t need hearing assistance (yet?) but I do use glasses, and have done so since elementary school. My eyes aren’t that bad. I can get around a house fine without glasses, and if I’m not attached to seeing details or reading captions, I can watch TV.

    But I noticed if I go without my glasses for a while, I kinda fully disconnect from the world. I just start drifting. I don’t respond as strongly to anything. I can imagine how losing hearing might cause a more profound drift unless consciously combated.

    ~

    Reading about the old Vectrex console was an absolute delight for me yesterday. (Ars Technica) It makes me wonder how different gaming might look if we’d focused on vector-based rather than point-based design.

    ~

    Al Jazeera English notes this is a big year for elections and democracy is kinda on the ballot everywhere.

    ~

    In 1905, Lucy Parsons wrote her feelings about the problems with labor in capitalism, which I could have written nowadays 120 years later. I’d surely have more fart jokes though. Read it on Panarchy.

    Every person who is rendering no good to humanity is useless, no matter how hard he works. Head work and hand work are equally hard and equally useful if rightly applied. All men, rich and poor, are working at something; perhaps one at useful labor, the other at useless labor. Nevertheless they are each and all using their energies at some occupation.

    Men work because they cannot hold their physical and mental energies in check without causing themselves pain. But we have made work disagreeable because we have allowed conditions to obtain which force us to continue to work after we are tired, or at something for which we have no taste, take no interest in and have no adaptability for.

    For this reason we lose pleasure in work and it becomes irksome to us; for this reason, often what we do is done in a slovenly manner and the community loses thereby. The selfish scheme called “property rights” has superseded human rights and created four times more useless work than is required to produce and distribute all the comforts and luxuries of life.

    All these useless workers are either capitalists or the allies of capitalists. In this class of workers whose sole business is to sustain the “rights of property” can be classed the lawyers, jailers, police, bankers, insurance companies, agents and nearly all bosses in all branches of industry; add to these those who cannot get work and those in prisons, and we get some conception of the vast hordes that must be supported by those who perform useful labor, and these must devote their entire life’s energies in keeping up the “rights of property,” a thing which they have neither a share nor interest in.

    And this condition of affairs makes paupers, suicides, thieves, cut-throats, liars, vagabonds, hypocrites, and unsocial beings generally.

    Who, pray, are benefitting by all this waste and confusion? The few, a mere small percentage of the population of the world. All the remainder submit, because they think “it always has been so and it must always be so.” The work of those who have a conception of a true society of the future, must devote all their efforts toward disabusing the people’s minds of the ancient falsehoods. It can be done. Many other hoary lies have passed away, so will this one, too.

    As a side note, eleven miners are trapped in Zimbabwe. (AJE) These are subsistence miners working in unsafe unregulated mining sites. It seems to make it easy for the owners of the mines to mostly shrug when things happen. The owner sent a team to rescue folks, but they say they can’t get in because of unsafe ground. The ground was already unsafe and they let the subsistence miners go. Anyway, just thinking about labor today. My heart goes to the miners and the families and hope rescue operations proceed smoothly.

  • sara reads the feed

    Still overthinking Barbie, enshittification everywhere, free stuff from the past

    I’ve still been reading about Barbie here and there, since it’s the run-up to awards season. I watched the movie quite belatedly. A lot of my impression from the marketing was that it was meant to be posited as revolutionary, but I found the movie representing the contrary; it felt like a head-pat in response to the pain it spent a lot of time recognizing (to no greater end). The result felt validating of America’s corporatocracy more than subversive.

    But the stuff I’m still reading makes me feel my impression from marketing was wrong too. Although they used imagery and language of revolution, talking to people involved makes it seem more like they wanted to create a cute confection that is extremely referential but without the burden of responsibility for its ideas. It’s Just A Toy Movie.

    I’m personally annoyed by a generation of creators who freely, openly state that they don’t want any burden of responsibility for their ideas. I see it in writers all the time. I’m Just Writing Entertainment. There’s no reason words can’t be disposable in this way; I aspire to something else, but it’s fine for things to just…exist. I guess. Well, it’s fine in writing, because even the greatest writers are essentially nobodies. But in Barbie, I’m a little less forgiving, since there is so much budget and so many eyes.

    America Ferrera at least thinks that it’s important enough to have a Feminism 101 movie (Variety), which is fair too, I guess. I’m just. Like. Okay. We have so many Feminism 101 movies. Can I have Feminism 201? Feminism 220? I *like* feminism and I don’t *want* feminism that’s so entrenched in corporate stuff, at all, and it just feels *evil* if you’re going to try to also do that without responsibility for your message because she’s Just A Doll. Also, the feminism of Barbie was awfully concerned with Ken, who kinda remains the main show. (Variety)

    I’m thirty-five years old and I’m being told by women my age, and older, that Barbie is just the greatest thing ever, and if Barbie and Ken’s Feminism 101 is the greatest thing then I don’t know where the fuck I stand.

    Since I’ve got such a personal grudge around the very ideas they’re throwing out there, I think I really gotta reevaluate Barbie in a couple years to see if I still think it’s an incredibly cynical glass onion. I’m not being cool about it right now, lol.

    ~

    Engadget’s article about the volume of Teslas delivered this year reminds me of recent reports that Teslas have poor build quality (Reuters). When I see this headline, I mostly think about a lotta people driving cars that break a lot, without customer service or accountability for the damage.

    Growing up from the 90s to the 20s now has been an odd era for consumerism. I’ve seen things going from being built extremely ruggedly, possibly irresponsibly so when you consider the volume of plastic involved, to some kind of balance of quality and value, to price over everything else. Prices have stabilized or dropped for a lot of goods in the last decade, but with inflation, and whatever other economic factors smarty smart people would evoke, that means that the products have had to all become like tissue paper to keep up with demands.

    My personal favorite example is ring slings. I bought a ring sling from a major manufacturer for $40 or $50 when I had my second baby almost a decade ago. The old ring sling is long gone (donated to another family), but its fabric and rings were thick and sturdy. Two years ago, I bought another ring sling off Amazon for the same price – I got the one with the best reviews and searched for the stiffest fabric. The modern equivalent really does feel like tissue paper. I think the rings are metal, but they’re not metal-metal somehow. It’s just *cheap*.

    Everything feels like that now. It’s not good value. Everything is cheap. But cheap doesn’t actually mean we’re paying low prices; relative to stagnant wages, stuff is really more expensive. Others have called it enshittification. I wonder what comes next. It’s felt like a race to the bottom–are we there yet?

    ~

    Treating things cheaply isn’t new. There are episodes of culture classic Doctor Who (The Independent) we will never see because the BBC treated them as cheap, recording over the original reels, disposing of them, or storing them improperly.

    The same guy making cheap Teslas is treating rockets as cheap. (Ars Technica) The commander of the first consumer space flight laments that their historic vessel doesn’t seem to be preserved in any way. It was reused, and then possibly scrapped? That’s the whole business model. The attitude Musk spreads across the companies under his influence is one of dispensability.

    Properly preserving history is a respectful, thoughtful process. Musk is in the business of making history, not caring about it. Someone who really cared about history would at least be investing into real infrastructure projects, which would last generations, and force people to associate his memory with something positive. Gross, who cares about nerd stuff like that? Am I right?

    ~

    Colossal notes that a lot of properties entered public domain this year besides Steamboat Willie. There’s some other interesting stuff. You can find a full rundown on a Duke University page.

    Highlights that caught my eye:

    • Lady Chatterley’s Lover (the novel)
    • All Quiet on the Western Front (the novel)
    • House at Pooh Corner (bringing Tigger into the public domain)
    • Peter Pan (the stage play)
    • The Man Who Laughs (the movie that inspired The Joker)
    • Makin’ Whoopee (the song)_

    ~

    Like probably most people, I’m scratching my head over the idea of a Minecraft movie. (Tor)

    I don’t love the Minecraft property whenever they try to insert narratives, like their chapter-based stories or what have you, so it’s safe to say in advance this one won’t be for me. But whether that holds true or not is really up to my kids.

    ~

    Balloon Juice notes that the conservative attack on education in America continues. This one is a direct career jump from a GOP politician into higher ed. You’ve probably also heard that Gay was pressed into stepping down (AJE) from her position as president of Harvard based on a multi-pronged attack accusing her of anti-Semitism and plagiarism.

  • sara reads the feed

    Validation, stabbings, and some new year feed-reading

    You know what’s kinda wild about life? No matter what you think, no matter your attitude, you can find community. You can have the most foolish ideas and the least amount of experience, but if you’re loud and persistent, you will find people who validate your worldview enough to keep you there.

    I see loads of folks with zero real experience become experts in their fields by convincing people they’re experts. I see folks charging expert fees for their amateur information/skills all the time. Likewise, you can just opt out of all of that, and if you make your values something bizarre then you’ll eventually find folks who are in the same place.

    This isn’t judgment. This is me saying, whatever you’re doing right now? It’s enough. If you feel insecure or like a fraud, you don’t have to. If there’s any secret to life, it’s persistence. The way you become the right person for something is just by being the person who is there.

    It’s actually kinda cool what I said in paragraph 2 – non-experts making careers out of stuff because they invested their time into it anyway. You know, I see this used by scammers a lot, but it ALSO means that you can just suddenly be King Of This Thing You Like for totally benign non-scammy reasons. You decide that. You make your social reality. You put out your sign and be consistent about it and folks are gonna gather. Like I’m a weird little nugget but I yell loudly about how much I love things and I just always manage to find folks who love the same stuff!

    YOU ARE ENOUGH! Make 2024 your best friend by telling it that it’s gonna treat you right.* Become the king of whatever you love. Have a great week.

    *If you’re just tired, sick, or sick and tired and no attitude is gonna change what you need changed in life, I validate you too <333 it’s really not always mind over matter, is it?

    ~

    Speaking of mind over matter, my elbow has been hurting me from crochet. I looked it up. It’s probably not a repetitive stress injury, but tendinitis, and I thought one of the recommended remedies was interesting: deliberate inflammation. The way they suggested doing it was “dry needling” (like acupuncture, I think) to increase blood flow, but it occurred to me, you know what else increases blood flow without stabbing myself? Doing gentle exercise.

    I mean, honestly, I’m not averse to stabbing myself. I have piercings. I test my blood sugar and use lancets pretty regularly. I keep cacti on purpose. Getting poked productively sounds wonderful; it’s just probably gonna involve leaving the house to get it done properly.

    What’s much easier is grabbing a water bottle and moving my arm around gently in all the normal movements. I’m so annoyed it helped.

    It’s like how I’ve been helping my hip pain lately by getting onto a round balance board and swiveling my hips every which direction. I started out so unstable on the board, but now I can balance well enough to venture a few tentative squats. And if I start messing around on it for a while, I just feel a lot better.

    The whole thing where I’m actually in more pain when I move less is such nonsense actually.

    Other random mobility observations:

    • It’s so important and helpful to stretch my arms above my head and behind my back. This is so good for neck/shoulders.
    • If I spend a lot of time with my legs rotated knees-out (which I do because I love sitting cross-legged), I should stretch sometimes with legs rotated knees-in. The pretzel stretch can do this. This is so good for back/hips.
    • Spreading my hands palm-down on a firm surface, like a counter or table, and resting some weight on the hand evenly is almost as good as doing something like downward dog without as much strain. At least talking about how much it helps my hand/arm pain.
    • Doing a little bit all the time feels really good actually.

    ~

    America has more than a few of its own odd conservative quirks, but it’s always interesting to see where even more conservative societies draw their lines. In Russia, celebrities were arrested for an “almost naked” party. (AJE) Say what you will about the USA, but most corners are okay with naked hot people, I think?

    ~

    AMC Theaters kicked out a civil rights leader who needed his wheelchair in a movie theater. (NPR) It feels like the movie industry feels entitled to our viewership in-theaters. They don’t want to earn our attendance. This reminds me of Martin Scorcese wanting no intermission for his movie, even though people without profound disabilities can’t sit comfortably that long. And AMC doesn’t want this dude to have his own chair? Get outta here.

    ~

    Engadget has an article on canceling certain common subscriptions. I’ve been in the subscription-cancelling mood, myself. I finally figured out how to get rid of two of my worst, most persistent subscriptions. Now I just have to figure out the gym.

    ~

    The influencer segment of the marketing industry is getting knee-capped by AI influencers. (Ars Technica) Although we can all think of a few influencers the world could do without, I’m sure, this is one of those jobs that has been enabling people with disabilities and complex situations to work from home. It’s just amazing how this technology is persistently applied in ways that compress the more accessible parts of the labor market, yanno?

    Another example of AI being considered for boring uses: Square Enix wants to use AI generation for coding, marketing, etc. (Engadget) I play a lot of RPGs and whatnot, and I think it would be cool to use generative text to create infinite interactions with NPCs that previously must (charmingly) repeat the same three lines over and over. Why can’t we conceive of AI for fun toy things, at the very least, instead of job-destroying things?

    ~

    Apparently my inhaler brand is getting jerked around by the manufacturer so they can eventually raise prices higher. Fun. (NPR)

    ~

    The Game of Thrones universe has animated series on the way. (Variety) I would prefer to see these kinds of adaptations done in animation, personally. House of the Dragon would have dealt with less recasting flip-floppery if they’d just animated the thing, and we could have so many more dragons.

    ~

    Tor dot Com shares books about forced body modification. The top story sounds interesting to me in particular. Honestly, this is kinda tapping into a whole type of story I’m definitely in the mood for.

    ~

    Zaddy Jordan Peele is teasing us with his next movie. I’m still predicting ghosts/possession. Or just hoping? I don’t honestly care. I love his movies. (Variety)

  • essays,  movie reviews

    The Worst and Best of 2023 Movies

    It’s that time again! Last year was the first time I really got into tracking my movie-watching habits, so my 2022 watches are the first meaningfully populated year. But 2023 has been full-throttle Letterboxd and I’ve got opinions. (Click for the list on letterboxd. Links in this article either go to my reviews on this website or my reviews on letterboxd.)

    I’ll probably keep watching 2023 movies as we move through awards season; I’ll be back with future reviews if something changes.

    ~

    Your Place or Mine, Cocaine Bear, and The Weeknd: Live at SoFi Stadium were the worst movies I saw come out of 2023. The former two are movies I completely bounced off of and barely finished. The Weeknd’s concert feels a little more like a personal rating because I used to really, really like his music. He’s pulled off great staging at some of his live events. I had high expectations, and this was…not good. He stood around singing the whole time, and his dancers don’t really dance. This marked falling out of love with The Weeknd’s music (his TV show, The Idol, and the extreme amount of cringe resulting from it was the real death blow).

    ~

    In the category of mediocre things I still kinda enjoyed, we have Little Mermaid, Red, White, & Royal Blue (aka RWRB), and Rebel Moon.

    Little Mermaid isn’t the worst of the Disney live action remakes and that’s the faintest praise with which I may damn it. Halle Bailey was charming and seemed to understand she was mostly doing a modeling job; she looks pretty through all the extremely artificial shots, projects princess vibes, and throws a giant middle finger to people who can’t handle princesses with melanin. Plus she’s great at singing!

    RWRB was just so much not my interest. I don’t remember it well, but the main thing that sticks out when I reflect is how much the guy playing the prince looked like a Windsor, and how much that was a *massive* turnoff. The fairytale mirror universe version of real-world politics didn’t work for me either. But honestly, if you’d just switched these out for fake countries, this might have been one of my favorites of the year.

    I already talked at length about how much I loved hating Rebel Moon, and I keep thinking about watching it again so I can laugh at it again. Zack Snyder is good at making movies I think are so wonderfully bad. He always makes me ask myself how bad his movies *really* are, when I have so much fun. You know? But I can’t defend his disaster screenplay and wouldn’t try.

    ~

    My next tier includes surprisingly enjoyable watches like Renfield, Five Nights at Freddy’s (aka FNAF), Elemental, and Please Don’t Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain.

    I’m never sure if I’m going to enjoy Nicolas Cage or be annoyed that I’m watching a Nicolas Cage movie. Renfield is one where I enjoyed him, albeit not as much as Mandy (my personal favorite recent Cage flick). The sheer ambition of the gore levels in Renfield was really endearing. It made me just want to go watch What We Do In the Shadows again, but also, I never feel like my time is wasted by yet another Dracula movie that uses whole buckets of blood.

    FNAF was a long-anticipated movie in my household; I couldn’t help but enjoy it because my eldest did. I can tell you, knowing as much as I reluctantly know about this franchise, the FNAF adaptation was perfect for its audience.

    Elemental was a weird slippery one for me. I liked it a lot and thought it was beautiful, but deeply flawed. The flaws didn’t seem to matter when Elemental was obviously made with so much love? I wonder if I would have rated Elemental higher a little higher when my kids were younger and more likely to sit in front of its bright colors for hours on end. I don’t get tired of loving immigrant stories, regardless.

    Please Don’t Destroy is a movie by a nepobaby and his friends where you don’t hate them for the nepotism. They’re so harmlessly, stupidly funny, and concerned with the arrested development of new adulthood, that it’s hard to resent them for much of anything. Bowen Yang elevates everything he bats his eyelashes in. Plus two of the heroines are fat. That’s cool. The kids are all right.

    ~

    In the tier of really great movies that came out of 2023, we have Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, Blue Beetle, Nimona, and Bottoms.

    My love of genre is surely showing here. Whatever else is going on in Dungeons & Dragons, I just freaking love second world fantasy, and I’ve enjoyed D&D since I forced guys to play with me in high school. This movie is charming and funny and only a little plodding. We get tracer beasts, a mimic, and Tiefling racism on-screen. For better or worse, this is my exact kind of steaming heap of genre.

    Similarly, Blue Beetle reminded me why I’ve been a lifelong superhero fan. It’s healing to remember I do love superheroes so much when it feels like movies have made me mostly resent their presence these last few years. As a love letter to the classic origin story, Blue Beetle was exactly the shot of family-friendly energy I wanted this year.

    Nimona was much the same, playing with all the fantasy and science fiction tropes I love in the queerest way possible. It’s the most honest, authentic expression of how *excruciatingly* lonely it is to be trans. But it’s also fun.

    If you don’t want to feel any bad vibes about being gay, you might like Bottoms as much as I did. I related strongly to the ugly, untalented lesbians at the center of the movie, which reinforced one important fact: Nobody in this world will hate you for being gay, just being gay and absolutely useless. Doggedly chasing high fashion cheerleader tail when you, yourself, barely know how to wear a t-shirt and jeans is exactly the bullshit nonsense I got up to at this age, and Bottoms is the dadaist gay comedy of my dreams.

    ~

    Given the themes of May December, I wasn’t sure I wanted to watch it. I almost didn’t make it through the first ten minutes. I’m so glad I did. This is a breathtakingly complicated movie by artists operating at the peak of their power.

    The director is responsible for Velvet Goldmine, one of my all-time favorite movies. That one happens to be like colorful fanfic about David Bowie and Iggy Pop. It’s weird getting so personal about real-life figures, but May December gets even weirder by being colorful fanfic about Mary Kay Letourneau and the man she began abusing when he was a child.

    You’re not allowed to be comfortable with the situation at any point, but it’s all done so well, it’s problematically good. The extreme recursive conflict of being a soapy, pulpy movie about the worst parts of real humans’ lives is centered in May December, accusing itself of exploitation while being exploitative. I’ve found that I like feeling kind of weird and gross and guilty, and the negativity of feelings from May December almost makes me want to shelve it with horror. The masterful control of storytelling made this one of the biggest standouts of the year.

    ~

    There was nothing I loved this year the way I loved What Happens Later. It’s one of those things where it arrived at the right time and place in my life. I was already doing a big watch of romcoms, including romcoms with Meg Ryan, so a new Meg Ryan romcom was serendipity. (No, not that Serendipity. That’s Kate Beckinsale.)

    Imagine this movie like having an air travel layover in Heaven. No, you’re not dead, despite the fact this movie definitely makes it look like the leads are dead. It’s more like something divine (God? Angels? Gen X pop-rock muzak?) has plucked Meg Ryan and David Duchovny out of their lives to force them to help each other.

    With a screenplay adapted by Meg Ryan and the gift of this woman’s directorial vision, What Happens Later feels like the most beautiful sublime dream with wonderfully bittersweet emotion at its core. I’m not yet in my fifties, which is where these main characters find themselves treading water, but even now I can already relate to the strangeness of looking back on a life and asking, “What if?”

    Those unanswerable questions ring in the hollow spaces of Meg Ryan’s deft work. This woman understands love and romance. She only gives us an HEA in this one (fair warning), but the power of love and hope and change is so healing that it’s way more satisfying than so many other romcoms with more definitive conclusions.

    You want these two to get it together and talk things out so badly. And when they do, I was crying along with them. I loved What Happens Later a lot. I think it fell softly on the year in terms of release impact, but it’s one I plan to revisit a lot in the gray winters to come.

    How would you rank your 2023 movie watches, buds?