• Rutger Hauer and Matthew Broderick riding a horse in Ladyhawke. image credit: Warner Bros
    movie reviews

    Movie Review: LADYHAWKE (1985) *****

    Everyone wanted to possess Isabeau d’Angou, daughter of the Comte. Her unearthly beauty captured the hearts of everyone who saw her, whether man or priest, and the Bishop of Aquila became obsessed with her. Yet the one man Isabeau wanted herself was Etienne Navarre, the handsome captain of the guard in Aquila. Isabeau and Etienne could have known such happiness if not for the bitter rage of the Bishop, who called upon the power of the Devil himself to curse the lovers: if the Bishop could not possess this woman, then nobody could, and damned be his immortal soul.

    Once the curse befell them, Isabeau became a hawk by day, while Etienne became a ferocious black wolf by night. The two could always be together. But never as humans. Never at the same time. Navarre was truly forced to possess Isabeau as a man possesses a hawk, carrying her on his gloved arm with her face blindfolded and her legs in jesses. It’s easy to imagine they began their journey together with hope of finding salvation, but hope waned as it became obvious the Bishop of Aquila was untouchable.

    And then came Mouse — Phillippe Gaston — a young thief who distinguishes himself as the only criminal to ever escape the dungeons of Aquila.

    And also came some incredibly rad synth music.

    And a convenient total solar eclipse.

    The 1980s were a great time for fantasy movies. I could spend a long time listing them, but I’ll stick to my personal favorites: Legend, starring Tom “Babylegs” Cruise, and Labyrinth, starring David Bowie’s package. We also got The Princess Bride (flawless), The Neverending Story (traumatic), The Last Unicorn (divine), and so many more.

    Amid its stylized brethren, LADYHAWKE stands out as a fairly grounded medieval fantasy story. You don’t get colorful puppets. There’s no amazing soliloquies from Tim Curry about unicorns. Instead of sets, they filmed in a couple of old castles and a lot of sweeping fields. The costumes, while anachronistic, are kept simple, focusing the visuals entirely on the performances of actors who aren’t exactly chewing scenery.

    In fact, if the soundtrack weren’t completely out of place, I think Ladyhawke would be broadly better regarded. I love the synth score, personally. But you can’t tell me it wouldn’t age better for the general public if they’d stuck to something classically orchestral.

    The real highlight of Ladyhawke, for me, is how deeply romantic it is. Watching Navarre clutch Isabeau’s dress as night falls, savoring the scent of a woman he hasn’t seen in two years, is just as heartbreaking as his anguish when he watches the hawk struck by an arrow. He must always put Isabeau’s needs before his own, even if that means surrendering his wounded lover to another man so that he can carry her to be healed.

    Of course, ACAB means Navarre. He’s a former guard (let’s say medieval cops), and in a previous life, he would have been one of the hairy dudes hunting down poor little Mouse. His family history involves the Crusades. Yikes. But Navarre got his butt kicked by the Church, so he’s semi-reformed.

    This reformation is shown with a stark palette: Navarre dresses in voluminous black capes while wielding his crucifix-like sword on the back of a black horse (named Goliath!). Meanwhile, agents of the Church are dressed largely in white, riding white horses. The Bishop of Aquila is pictured in lavish white gowns, entertained by sultry young women, while lamenting the poor commoners can’t be taxed when they have nothing. When Navarre arrives at the climax to fight against the Church, he has become the Hand of God, and it’s a stark contrast to the villains he fights.

    There is no cooler aesthetic than Navarre with his huge-ass crossbow and sword mounted on his muscular destrier, hawk clutching his glove. None. I mean, this is the goddamn Bladerunner, and he’s a freakin knight. It’s so cool I’m in pain.

    Isabeau looks pretty great in Navarre’s cloak, though. She’s dressed more neutrally in grays. Her hair is cut short and appropriately feathered, giving her the look of a noble daughter on the lam. I’ve spent my entire life thinking Michelle Pfeiffer is the most beautiful woman on the planet, and her performance as Isabeau is the main reason why.

    Philippe “The Twink” Gaston is adorably portrayed by Matthew Broderick at peak fame. It’s sorta like having an especially mousy Ferris Bueller running around medieval France, except he totally lacks the raw charisma…or the brain cells.

    Mouse is actually kind of the main character, serving multiple narrative functions. His humble origin as a scrappy little thief who knows nothing about the curse makes him a good viewer avatar. But his main relationship is with God, meaning he also offers stark contrast to the Bishop of Aquila, just not with colors. (Appropriately, Mouse wears brown.) Mouse is way too foolish to survive everything he survives.

    But he is devoted to God, and God clearly likes the kid. God’s probably the one who tosses Mouse in front of Navarre. It’s Mouse who most earnestly seeks God’s approval — not the Bishop who sold his soul, and not even the priest Imperius, who’s constantly drunk and lazing around. And so it’s Mouse who is most truly blessed.

    It’s so mythic, having the good-hearted lil thief be the holy one who needs to light a path for Navarre and Isabeau’s salvation. He bears Navarre’s sword until it’s time to skewer the Bishop of Aquila in the most majestic of fashions. And by lying his butt off to Navarre and Isabeau separately, he keeps their spirits high enough to fight through the end of the curse.

    I really couldn’t offer any genuine criticism for this movie. Is it a little too grounded? Maybe a little slow? Maybe some of the characters’ actions are a wee bit nonsensical at times? I have no idea. I’ve watched this movie a couple times a year for my entire life, no joke, and I think I’ve spent my entire life trying to write something as grandly mythic and shatteringly romantic as this.

    Ladyhawke was made by a skilled filmmaker whose effects never get real special, which is smart, given the budgetary and technological limitations of the time. The simple framing, grading, and lighting makes it feel vividly real, as anachronistic as the choices are. It’s not nearly as much of a kids’ movie (or even a family movie) as its contemporaries in 80s fantasy films.

    If you haven’t revisited this one in a while, I urge you to go back. I think it must not be very popular because I haven’t seen a remastered version. The copy I got off Amazon is janky. Let’s not let Ladyhawke fade into memory, though. This one is worth keeping around.

    (image credit: Warner Bros.)

  • Gillian Anderson sitting behind a news desk. Image credit: Netflix
    movie reviews

    Movie Review: Scoop (2024) ***

    SCOOP is a lightweight drama about a famous TV interview with Prince Andrew, where he ate his whole entire foot talking about his relationship with trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, as well as allegations of abuse.

    My immediate impression of the movie was, “Why did they make that?” There isn’t a lot of incisive material behind the scenes. It focuses on the women who made the interview happen, but only dips a toe into their ambitions, regrets, and the class differences between them. Some time is taken to flesh them out as individuals, but not in any particularly meaty way.

    Little drama actually occurs in the setup for the interview. Basically, the news team asks if they can interview him, and Andrew happily accepts. A little time is dedicated to Andrew’s staff fussing about it, but it never grows claws.

    The interview itself is loyally performed — but you can just go watch the Andrew interview yourself, if you don’t yet know the prince’s role in the nightmarish sex trafficking that women endured through Epstein and Maxwell.

    I suppose the main argument for making such an unembellished version of the interview is that it puts the interview in the news again. And, as the journalists discovered (both in reality and the movie), they just needed to let Andrew speak for himself. He’s his own worst enemy. Yet SCOOP was reluctant to go any deeper than that.

    I do get a sense, somewhat, that the filmmakers mostly wanted to show off how well they could transform Rufus Sewell into Prince Andrew — an extremely angular, handsome actor becoming a soft-faced royal he doesn’t ordinarily resemble.

    Or perhaps they just wanted to get Billie Piper and Gillian Anderson working together, which is a victory for the lesbians.

    The whole thing feel like an ephemeral, fashionable snippet of journalism history. It’s appropriate enough to show in school or watch with your mum. It doesn’t do anything that might risk legal action. It might barely even offend the British royal family, who don’t seem embarrassed enough to tuck Prince Andrew away; he continues to make appearances with the family to this day.

    If the intention is to remind us all that Prince Andrew is a predator and buffoon, then it succeeds, and it does it with competent filmmaking. At least the journalism students who have to watch this down the road won’t be bored.

    You can watch the original interview with Prince Andrew on BBC Newsnight’s YouTube Channel.

    Scoop is streaming on Netflix.

    (image credit: Netflix)

  • sara reads the feed

    Holes, taxation and the taxers, the anarchist history of Frank Herbert

    I’ve been stretching my earlobe piercings back out. I was up to 0 gauge, but I was annoyed by the jewelry and removed it for a few years. At that point I assumed they would shrink somewhat. I found some old 6g plugs that still fit loosely, so I got some 4g tunnels. Those also fit. They kept falling out in bed, though — so I ordered 2g tunnels. And you know what? They fit! It seems my earlobes relaxed around them again. I might be able to get back to 0g without seeing a piercer and progress my way up to 00g. Onward, if I like.

    0g is about the diameter of a pencil, which is a fun size. But I’m getting older which means I need to get weirder, and bigger holes in my body is cool. I’ve got three holes in my nose now, and three holes elsewhere on my body, and I’m trying to decide what’s next.

    ~

    I’ve been dying to see Monkey Man since its first trailer (the unedited one with the great takedowns), but I want to see it even more learning that hijra are key to the movie. (Variety) Dev Patel says it’s a story for the marginalized, and thus must include hijra, who are an underclass of third-gender people in India (to oversimplify it).

    ~

    The actress who portrayed The Unknown at the Glasgow Willy Wonka scam experience is getting more jobs, which is good. (Vanity Fair) One dude was behind the scammy bits; the employees were doing their best.

    I think there’s a good chance The Unknown becomes an enduring cultural character. Imagine being the sixteen-year-old who originated that…thing.

    ~

    Egypt invented taxation as we know it. (Smithsonian Mag) I actually just learned somewhat about Egyptian taxation from reading Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud with my 9yo. The mural he uses to describe sequential story told in art involves taxation of crops, anyway, and I don’t often think about taxation as a direct levy on assets rather than simply taking a percentage of currency.

    The Smithsonian article goes into the whole thing in fascinating detail.

    For most of its history, ancient Egypt levied taxes on goods, with officials collecting dues in the form of grain, textiles, labor, cattle and other commodities. The amount of taxes owed was often linked to agriculture, with a certain percentage of a field’s harvest earmarked for state-run granaries or administrative storage centers. Interestingly, taxes were adjusted for field productivity—a parallel to modern income tax brackets, with different categories established based on the amount of wealth incurred.

    “Fields were taxed in different ways, and the rate was dependent on the individual field productivity and the fertility and quality of the soil,” says Moreno Garcia. “But the government was determining the base tax rate dependent on the height of the Nile.”

    On Elephantine, an island in Upper Egypt, 19th-century archaeologists discovered a nilometer, a sprawling staircase used to measure the Nile’s flood levels. (Remnants of other nilometers can be found in the ancient city of Thmuis, on Rhoda Island and elsewhere in Egypt.) If the water rose above a marked line, it signaled flooded fields and a poor harvest; if it fell too low, that meant a drought and dying crops.

    ~

    The movie adaptation of Nightbitch is coming out in December. (Variety) I am eager to see Amy Adams going hog on raw steak and pooping on a neighbor’s lawn. Once it’s streaming, of course. Monkey Man might get me out of the house to the theater, but very few movies call to me that way anymore.

    ~

    The McDonald’s locations operated in Israel were donating food to the IDF. Apparently McDonald’s corporate didn’t like having such actions reflect on them when they weren’t the ones making the decisions (those locations are owned by a franchisee), so they’ve bought back all those McDonald’s. (NPR)

    ~

    The Apple Vision Pro is now compatible with some 8BitDo controllers, and I still don’t have one. :’) (Engadget)

    ~

    Denis Villeneuve is going ahead with Dune Messiah after all. (TSFKA Tor dot com) I feel lukewarm about it. Dune is kinda too interesting for Villeneuve? But I doubt they’d reach Messiah if it were done by someone who embraced its weirdness more viscerally.

    As The Transmetropolitan Review notes:

    Frank Herbert, the author of Dune, lived the happiest parts of his childhood in a failed socialist colony called Burley, located along the Salish Sea near the city of Tacoma, Washington. It was dreary and cold during the fall and winter, and back in the day, before Herbert was born, all the excitement was further down the sea in the anarchist Home Colony, a much more successful experiment in collective living. While the socialists of Burley struggled to replicate their small colony, Home grew bigger every year, even converting some of Burley’s socialists into anarchist defectors. […]

    Make no mistake, Home housed some committed, dedicated, and fervent anarchists, and some of them weren’t just homesteaders like Frank Herbert’s family, they were anarchist homesteader militants who smuggled dynamite, fomented uprisings in the coal fields of Vancouver Island, sheltered fugitives, shot at private detectives during strikes, and called for the death of capitalism. Beyond this, these anarchists were directly implicated in the 1910 bombing of the ultra-reactionary and anti-labor Los Angeles Times building, given they helped hide the man who supplied the dynamite, the anarchist David Caplan.

    Read the whole thing please, it’s a good one. Dune’s foundation comes from something strongly counter-cultural, opposed to empire in a real way that most people can’t relate to. Herbert was a deeply imperfect man. But it’s basically impossible to make a blockbuster — with the financing involved — that will be honest to its messaging.

    In the end, Frank Herbert’s Dune and Dune Messiah serve up some of the oldest anarchist propaganda, not only by commenting on the corrupting influence of centralized power, but by spending nearly 1,000 pages to reaffirm one of anarchism’s oldest slogans: no one is fit to rule, and no one deserves to be a slave.

    ~

    Dammit, George Santos just keeps making me laugh. (Vanity Fair)

    Given that LaLota was one of Santos’s biggest GOP critics, most people assumed the decision to try to unseat a former colleague had to do with revenge. But according to Santos, that assumption could not be further from the truth. The real reason he’s running for the First? Because it would put him in the suburbs, where he could realize an apparently longtime wish to own chickens.

    This dude belongs on a satire show like Veep, not in reality.

    ~

    From Gizmodo via Quartz: NASA’s Voyager 1 probe has been glitching for months and we finally know why

    NASA engineers pinpointed the cause behind the mission’s odd anomaly, and think they can help the interstellar probe make sense again.

    Engineers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory believe the Voyager 1 spacecraft has been sending nonsensical data due to corrupted memory hardware in the spacecraft’s flight data system (FDS).

    The engineers are hoping to resolve the issue by finding a way for FDS to operate normally without the corrupted memory hardware, enabling Voyager 1 to begin transmitting data about the cosmos and continue its journey through deep space.

  • sara reads the feed

    Zzz, don’t criticize AI, and moonwalking

    What must I do to stop being so sleepy? I got blood work done recently and I seem to be fine. I’m just SO sleepy. All I wanna do is sleep.

    ~

    I’ve wondered what topic Apple didn’t want Jon Stewart to discuss on his show. Turns out it was AI. (Variety) Here’s the Ars Technica version of the article, and here’s the Gizmodo version. Everyone’s talking about Jon Stewart talking about AI now!

    He is anti-AI, and I recall Apple said they’re pivoting to AI development since quitting the Apple Car. We’ll see how that goes. I use a lot of Apple products, but I’ve been thinking about going full Luddite. Depending on their execution of AI, it could be what cuts me loose.

    ~

    Psyche talks about the near-universal experience of seeing our loved ones after they die. I experienced this strongly after the death of my cat Poe, though I haven’t seen Annie. I grew up with my mom talking about visitations from family after their death. I find it a little disappointing how scientifically/rationally/reductively Psyche (and most other sources) talk about this phenomenon, since I think humans are irrational spiritual beings, and this is a pretty solid example of seeing ghosts.

    ~

    NASA is looking for a company to design, build, and deliver a rover to the Moon that can be operated by astronauts under the extreme conditions present. (Ars Technica) I kinda want humans to leave the Moon alone tbh, but this is cool as heck anyway. I feel so conflicted as a SFF nerd who is also a curmudgeon.

    Our beloved NASA is also working on developing a Lunar Standard Time (The Guardian), and my whole household is transitioning to this once it’s set. 😉

    ~

    This NPR article about safer table saws is interesting to me, vaguely. Every time I’ve seen discussions on Reddit about these safety measures, I’ve also seen swarms of comments about how SawStop-like safeties are undesirable and make things *less* safe. So I’m just wondering…is that true? Is it popular sentiment among woodworkers? Or is this one of those weird things that has been a special interest for marketers/bots on Reddit?

    ~

    The Guardian: Everyone in Japan will be called Sato by 2531 unless marriage law changed, says professor

    I hardly think anyone needs to be concerned about married names in the 26th century (what do you think was the most common surname in the 16th century? did they use now-common surnames like we do?) but I still got a lil chuckle out of this article. Imagine Japan is like Barbieland. “Hello, Mr Sato! Hello, Mrs Sato!” everywhere you go.

    ~

    Amazon dropped its “just walk out” no-cashier technology (Engadget) because, surprise surprise, it was reliant on Mechanical Turks and thus not cost effective. I wonder how many Mechanical Turks are involved in the whole AI movement.

    ~

    Oklahoma really wants people to just get over the fact they’re killing imprisoned people so they can do it faster. (The Guardian)

    ~

    Homebuying is only for families with six-figure incomes these days, I guess. (NPR) I bought my first house in 2010 for $120k, and my income was around $40k a year…maybe a tidge less. It sucks to think how quickly young people like my young self have been shut out. Something’s gotta give.

    ~

    A clinical trial is attempting to grow new human livers out of lymph nodes. (Ars Technica) Even modest liver function (the article says 10-20%) could make a huge difference for people with liver disease.

    We get closer to a Star Trek future all the time. Doctor gave me a pill and I grew a new kidney! indeed.

    In the meantime, a dude in the USA received a pig kidney transplant and has gone home. (The Guardian) I really hope this works well for him.

    ~

    Lawyers, Guns, & Money talks the excess deaths toll related to COVID.

  • bluesky,  facebook

    ̶m̶a̶r̶c̶h̶ every month is madness

    Posted on 3/13/24. Facebook.

    I’m still on Windows 10 and the urgings to upgrade to Windows 11 are getting more demanding. I’m like, nice try. I would still be using Windows XP if y’all hadn’t forced me to Windows 7, and I’d still be using Windows 7 if you hadn’t forced me to Windows 10, and we are WELL ESTABLISHED NOW that I am not going anywhere until someone shows up at my house and shoves a new computer into my arms.

    ~

    Bluesky.

    you can tell my husband loves me because he laughs at my really bad jokes

    me: next play-thru, i’m gonna respec everyone into bards and call it Barder’s Gate

    him: genuine hearty sustained belly laugh

    that’s true love


    Posted on 3/14/24. Bluesky.

    the anhedonia is STRONG today


    Posted on 3/15/24. Facebook.

    Thank you all for the birthday wishes. ❤ I spent my day disassociating tbh. Dealing with a lot of anhedonia and mortality-related anxiety. But mostly feeling nothing at all, except when I saw all the lovely birthday wishes of course! Definitely a bright spot in the ten-thousand-yard stare of death at my wall, wondering wtf life even means.

    I’ve always been really weird about birthdays. I had my first mortality-related meltdown when I was like, nineteen. Nuts, right? It’s some kind of anxiety trigger.

    I feel bad because I wanna show my gratitude for all the effort people put in around my birthday. I recognize it and genuinely appreciate it so much. But I feel uniformly horrible on the days surrounding my birthday. (It’s gotten markedly worse since 2020, when my birthday was the beginning of lockdowns!) My difficulty showing gratitude and pleasure is not at all a reflection on the love I receive; I just don’t have a filter and can’t conceal how dead I feel.

    Anyhoo, thinking about my 2020 birthday, I was just telling 13yo Moonlight how the person I was in 2020 doesn’t exist anymore. Much of my days are occupied with crochet and plants now. I did not have *either* back then. I devoted a LOT of time to dieting and exercise. I also never played video games at length because I was always stressed out in a working frenzy. I worked hard and played hard. Basically 95% of my time was mindless frenzy, and 5% was getting wrecked on vacations. Now I am sober (!!!) and extremely moderate in my behaviors. I am a whole different Sara, which has been a lot of work to achieve.

    My progress has been, in a way, a lack of progress – comfort treading water, finding smaller joys, spending time with my kids growing SO fast. It’s extremely strange to be an entirely different person every few years. This version of me is good too I guess. I’m still feeling pretty empty right now. Emotions will be back later, I assume.


    Posted on 3/15/24. Bluesky.

    i’m watching paula pell on seth meyers, and i’m wondering if sixty looks young to me these days because i’m getting older, or if people really just don’t age like they used to

    like she looks sixty, but…not an old sixty?? idk, my mom is also sixty and i swear sometimes she looks younger than me.
    i just got off a video call with my mom the other day and it was like this

    me: byyyeeee love you mommy

    *hangs up*

    me to sibling, in a monster voice: WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE LOOK YOUNGER THAN US


    Posted on 3/16/24. Facebook.

    I am not sure if anyone is okay. Are you okay? I often am not. But I strive to be loving, purposeful, curious, kind, nurturing, and overall authentic – a good mother to life and a good roommate with myself.


    Posted on 3/18/24. Bluesky.

    My 9yo introduced me to skibidi toilet and the phrase “sticking out your gyat for the rizzler” and I feel very, uh…educated?


    Posted on 3/19/24. Facebook.

    Breaking news: Writers ain’t robots. If it’s taking a long time to get a book out, we’re not happy about it either. It’s not about torturing you.


    Posted on 3/20/24. Bluesky.

    I’m out walking my dog and some car drove by with the window rolled down

    A masculine voice catcalled me

    He said “I RESPECT YOU!”

    it was my husband on the way to work.

    ~

    Little Sunshine is so thoughtful. I told him I was feeling all crampy from my period, and he ran downstairs to heat up a rice sock for me. 🥹 Didn’t even ask, his own idea, SO SWEET

    ~

    i’m trying to finish creating content for my FILTHY ASS interactive novel (just need a few more scenes and drawings and then to code it out), but i simply wish i would stop embarking on projects with key fetish content when i know i never wanna finish it. lol

    whatever my tolerance for writing/drawing sex is, it’s always about 50% of what i feel like a fetish-themed story demands narratively. my author sense says “i need scenes x, y, and z” and i’m like “woo, scene x!” and then “sigh, scene y” and then “i’d rather die than finish scene z”


    Posted on 3/20/24. Facebook.

    Charlotte Brontë and I are very excited to go through this New Surrealism book. It’s a really good read/flip-through so far. The binding is divine. I appreciate that it included a bit on dadaism so that I could use it as a homeschool lesson.

    My only complaint: I picked it up partially because I love Miles Johnston, but the Johnston pieces included are absolutely not his definitive work, nor my favorites, and I’m like. why these? WHY? This big beautiful printing doesn’t include the stuff that made him a notable name in surrealism. One of the paintings is a really nice one tbh, but I literally see movie posters emulating some of his more iconic work, none of which they included. Bah!

    Surrealism is a really fun art movement to approach with a teenager who isn’t sure about fine art, btw. Moonlight confessed they’re 50/50 on “fine art is good” vs “this is nonsense and you’re pulling my leg,” but I think that the internet’s love of memes, random humor, and dadaism helps sway them toward understanding surrealism.


    Posted on 3/21/24. Facebook.

    I have been escorted out of a coyote’s territory before. It’s super cool, kinda haunting, so magical. These are my favorite wild animal that live in my neighborhood (although the hawks and corvids are up there too). I am always surprised how many people *hate* coyotes.

    Bear in mind the statistics show overwhelmingly that coyotes do not present any threat to humans; last I looked, there had only ever been one recorded death of a human by wolves in the Americas (a solo female who broke her leg hiking), while coyotes haven’t killed anyone.

    If you dislike coyotes because of their risk to house pets, I will gently inform you that you should not have outdoor cats. They devastate the local bird populations. Your cat is *perfectly happy* indoors, no matter how much that liar tries to yell at you about it. Also, pet dogs belong inside, too, especially the cute little (delicious) ones. Cats and dogs have a lovely symbiosis with humans over the millennia; it is better for everyone involved if we keep them close.

    When you’re escorted or have a sighting in a populated area: I recommend coyote hazing. That means shouting, waving your arms, throwing rocks near them. You don’t have to hit them or anything. You just want coyotes to continue feeling like humans are scary and hostile and that we shouldn’t be sharing spaces. It will help avoid tragic interactions.

    Large predators are really important to a local ecosystem. We are also part of this ecosystem. It befits us to live alongside coyotes, wolves, predatory birds, etc. Don’t be afraid. Don’t hate. Just respect the delicate interconnectivity of nature and do your part by spooking the coyotes properly.


    Posted on 3/24/24. Facebook.

    Tom Ellis was really born to play Lucifer.

    ~

    There are so many things I’ve never done sober. Like Beat Saber. The game where you swing laser beams around to slice blocks in time with music. Never done it sober until the last week or two.

    Turns out I am so much better at Beat Saber while stoned. You wouldn’t think it, but there you go.


    Posted on 3/25/24. Bluesky.

    stepping away from my interactive novel’s code for two months while i was distracted/finishing the novel means i have absolutely NO IDEA where anything in the code is, or what it means, and i hate Past Sara sooo much

    ~

    i still can’t get over my 13yo being taller than me. i’m 5’10”. they’re at least six feet now. i don’t know what to do with myself. THAT CAME OUT OF ME.


    Posted on 3/26/24. Facebook.

    You know what kind of day it is? I had my phone pinging my headphones, and I could HEAR THEM, and I was looking for them everywhere. But the sound seemed to move.

    Because my headphones were in my pocket the whole time. Yyyyyeeeppp. It’s THAT kind of day.


    Posted 3/27/24. Bluesky.

    I need Kristen Stewart to dress me like a lesbian


    Posted on 3/30/24. Bluesky.

    I’ve been enjoying Beyoncé’s Jolene but I can’t stop singing “Gay Dean” from Community

    🎶 your lifestyle is alternative, your influence is positive 🎶


    Posted on 3/31/24. Facebook.

    Man, spring break is always chaos. Totally throws me off my stride…whatever little stride I’ve had this year, lol.

    But it really strikes me now that my kids are growing up so fast. 13.5 and 9.5 years old. They’re so much easier than they’ve ever been. They can entertain themselves when I need to take care of myself. Emotional self-regulation is at an all time high. Taking care of them when they were small was like getting emotionally run over, lol. Small kids are hard! Big kids are an absolute dream.

    I’m okay getting my “stride” thrown off ad infinitum for a few more years while they’re still mine.

    ~

    Bluesky.

    I got cactus spines in my hand and THIS TIME I remembered not to pull them out with my teeth (thus transferring spines to mouth)

    Please clap


    Posted on 4/1/24. Facebook.

    I’m reading THE BELL JAR for the first time and wondering if I should worry about how relatable it is


    Posted on 4/4/24. Facebook.

    I took Stoker on a walk early this morning, since it’s getting warm during the day. I try not to walk him when it’s more than ~65F outside because he pants too hard. He’s a French bulldog, and that means his sinuses are dreadful, his paws are delicate, and he’s a FANCY BOY who needs pampering. So we were out around 7:30 today (it gets more like 6am in the summer).

    Lately I’ve heard dogs barking in back yards long before I approach with my dog, but I don’t see anyone else out walking. I haven’t been sure what was getting the dogs wound up. Maybe just a morning bark?

    Today I saw the cause: A big ol’ coyote. She’s smaller than my pitbull and shaped more like a cat, and she moved like there’s no gravity. Just effortlessly bounding over sagebrush and slipping under trees. She kept looking at me over her shoulder as she ghosted into the fields.

    No wonder the dogs have had so much to say!

    I know there are coyotes on that trail because they mark it with scat and hear them crying at night. They sound like little babies. It jolts through me every time because I think I have to go check on one of my children…but they are big now and don’t cry out like that.

    Sometimes I’ll see coyotes off other trails carrying rabbits in their mouths, but I think I’ve only *seen* a coyote on that trail once before, and only at night. What a beautiful animal. I feel so lucky. ❤ I hope she’s enjoying all the rabbits because we had a warm, wet winter and everything is kinda overgrown!

    The toads in my backyard are also extremely numerous this year, which means I’m going to have even more garden snakes, which means I’m going to have even more red-whatevered hawks. (I can’t tell the species tbh.)

    I LOVE this time of year.

  • Bridget sitting around in pajamas. image credit: Miramax Films
    movie reviews

    Movie Review: Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001) *****

    My original Letterboxd review for this is pretty thorough and I stand beside it.

    IN A WORLD where we are supposed to believe a size 8 needs to lose 20 lbs

    An overgrown ADHD kid overthinks everything, from her underwear to some guy’s Christmas sweater, and fights intrusive thoughts to resist saying TITS PERVERT on stage at work~

    Bridget Jones thinks men will not be attracted to her if they’ve seen her sing badly!

    But thanks to two smoldering lipless Englishmen, she is about to realize–well, probably exactly nothing. There are two sequels after this one.

    A relatable classic for dumpster human beings like me.

    “Bridget Jones’s Diary” is about a single woman who feels insufficient. Most everyone she knows has gotten married. She weighs “too much.” (To the tune of 136 lbs.) She smokes too much. She drinks too many units of alcohol. She’s not smart enough. She’s not clever enough. Bridget wants to improve herself on every metric so that she can get married and her mother will get off her back.

    I wouldn’t call this an adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, but rather a smart homage. Like the Bennett family, Bridget is always inappropriate. Hugh Grant plays a character like Mr. Wickham, who has a history with Mr. Darcy–uh, Mark Darcy–and he’s a saucy little liar manipulating the women around him. And of course there is Mark Darcy, played by notorious Mr Darcy actor Colin Firth. Even though there are more suitable matches for him, socially speaking, he loves Bridget for exactly who she is. Mess and all.

    Hugh Grant is an extremely charming Wickham-alike, and his floppy hair is the fourth star of the movie. He really stands as a dirtbaggy second option for Bridge in this love triangle, and as a love triangle connoisseur, I can tell you that the alternative option isn’t always so appealing. It all hinges on Hugh Grant’s charm. I mean, if Bridget chose him, you’d kinda get it.

    Personally, I am always cheap for Colin Firth. I truly believe he took this job because he knew it would be hilarious to be Mark Darcy after being Mr Darcy. If you like his pining faces in BBC’s Pride and Prejudice, I promise, you’ll love his pining faces here too. He’s extremely endearing. The truth is that he’s actually really awkward and nerdy (in a way that is complementary to Bridget!) and he’s absolutely *smitten* with her, but you mostly see it in the slightest twitches of his face. I swoon at the fifty shades of wordlessly staring this man can do.

    My lovely English friend tells me that Renee Zellweger has a flawless English accent, which is worthy of note when she’s opposite actual Brits. But my main interest has always been in how well she sells Bridge’s completely-normal-woman personality. No. I’m lying. My main interest has always been in how extremely hot she looks in the bunny costume and also in her knickers at the end. This actress should have absolutely considered keeping the weight on after the movie! She’s so hot! Do either of the men deserve her? Was ending up with me an option?

    It’s actually a really sweet movie, cloaked in a lot of garbage that originates mostly from Bridget’s nonexistent self-esteem. The point is that she’s perfectly fine. She really doesn’t need to lose weight or quit her bad habits to be worthy of love. She just needs to be with the guy who treats her well, not the one who keeps swanning off with an American babe.

    We all deserve a Mark Darcy, really. Someone who will eat the blue soup, twin with our bad Christmas sweaters, and buy us a new journal when we filled the last one up talking crap about him. This is one of my quintessential romcoms.

    (image credit: Miramax Films)

  • Kat and Patrick from 10 Things I Hate About You point directly at the viewer. Who's getting old? YOU ARE. image credit: Buena Vista Pictures Distribution
    movie reviews

    Movie Review – 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) *****

    In this Y2K remake of Taming of the Shrew, an overprotective father prevents his teen daughters from dating unless both of them go out. The younger sister convinces guys to get her shrewish older sister hooked up. Enter Shakespearean shenanigans: One guy talks another guy into financing a third guy into dating the older sister, presumably so that the financier can date the younger sister, but *actually* so the first guy can date her. The younger sister does actually want to date the financier. But the ones who fall in love are the third guy and the oldest. Are you keeping up?

    You can transpose Taming of the Shrew onto any generation, but this one effortlessly touches down on late-90s Hollywood High School. The daughters of a rich family have so many of the same concerns about finding appropriate matches — although here, the matches matter for school reputation and a father’s approval, not marriage.

    Our hero-for-hire, Patrick, is played by handsome young Heath Ledger. He’s gorgeous in this movie. His curls! His bone structure! The intensity when he worries over Kat! He played a bad boy with arresting tenderness, and he remains a complete heart-breaker. I’m thirty-old now and I’m still like, damn, just as much as when I was a kiddo.

    I always found Kat so relatable — played here by Julia Stiles, dancing slightly better than she does in Save the Last Dance. (Can we please note how she really got thee best romantic heroes in her early movies? Heath Ledger, Sean Patrick Thomas, Freddie Prinze Junior…) Her bad attitude has been my entire life goal.

    It’s funny how Kat is built up like a stereotypical lesbian in many ways — her fashion sense, her music preferences, the books she reads, her school of feminism — and I feel like the sequel would have her character discovering lesbianism in college, yet I also totally believe her chemistry with Heath Ledger. I bet a lotta lesbians would have made him their exception.

    How could you *not* fall for a boy so committed to keeping you awake after hitting your head drunkenly at a party? Or who tries to win you back by performing a huge song with the marching band, while also fleeing from cops? One who uses his illicit gains to buy you a friggin guitar? I can’t even.

    Though the romance is what kept a lot of us coming back when we were young teens, I really think what makes this movie persist twenty-five years after its release is the goofy humor. 10 Things walked so that Bottoms could run. Which passing gag is the funniest: the cowboys using their lariats on trash cans, the PE teacher getting shot in the butt by an arrow, Joey Donner’s terrible modeling, the penis on Michael’s cheek, the kid weirdly interested in sheep…?

    On a personal note, this is one of the few movies where I still haven’t mentally transitioned from relating to adult characters from the teen characters. When I watched Addam’s Family as a kid, I was Wednesday; I have been Morticia for over a decade. But something about 10 Things I Hate About You makes me regress completely to being in high school again. Falling in love with Heath Ledger again. Drawing boobs on cafeteria trays again.

    (image credit: Buena Vista Pictures Distribution)