• White text on a purple background that reads "Rory's 2023: Movies (pt 2)".
    movies

    Rory’s 2023: Movies (part two)

    My initial plans for this post were big (for me). I assembled a list of every movie I watched in 2023 and carefully ranked it on Letterboxd, with four basic tiers and multiple drafts of reviews of each movie. The list was getting a bit unwieldy with time, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker. I looked over the movies in mid-February, readying myself to carefully rerank and reevaluate in time for early March.

    And then I realized most of them were solidly mid and not worth the effort.

    This is part of a greater crisis, honestly. I always spend the beginning of a calendar year playing catch-up with the films from the year prior; the way a bunch of movies are dumped at the end of the year means you have to if you’re like me (unable to go to theaters much and no access to screeners). I have never had such a miserable time catching-up as I did this year.

    I know Hollywood execs would love to blame the strikes for a weird 2023 in film, but the creative labor on the ground read the writing on the wall and were trying to help. I’m glad they got most of what they asked for. It’s probably not enough to fix real structural problems. (Also not labor’s fault.)

    Currently, I’m not up to the task of doing a full Hollywood accounting, so we’re going lowkey for these posts. For my general recap of 2023 movies, I’ll cover some highs, some lows, and my general favorites. I’m including some Oscar nominees here because they don’t really fit in the structure of the bigger Oscar post.


    A selection of 2023 movies I want to see and haven’t (as of writing these posts)

    Priscilla, The Iron Claw, Godzilla Minus One, The Boy and the Heron, Dream Scenario, Joy Ride, The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes, Napoleon, Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret, Wish, Beyonce’s Renaissance, Dicks: The Musical

    Lows

    Saltburn: A major cultural zeitgeist that stole from better movies without saying something unique. Definitely the work of someone posh addressing class, and that’s not a compliment. At least I got to hear Murder on the Dancefloor for the first time. But I don’t begrudge younger audiences enjoying it! Every generation should have a Cruel Intentions, you know? I hope it inspires them to look up movies in a similar vein.

    Renfield: Do you know how hard it is for me to dislike a vampire movie, much less a Dracula movie? I think saying “Awkwafina is a cop” conveys some of my difficulties with it, but also the movie was trying to be four or five movies at the same time without a good ending. But also: I enjoyed watching it at the time, but every time I think back, I feel exasperated. Sigh.

    Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: I’m probably one of the few people on the planet who would put this as a “low”, and I’m at peace with that. I didn’t see this theatrically, which meant that I not only had my enjoyment of the first movie to contend with, but the enormous hype the second release engendered. That it also is only half a story is a big part of the problem here; maybe I’ll reevaluate this once I have the next part, and I know how everything lands. But it was too long and overstuffed, which was a direct reflection of its terrible working conditions. Can’t say I’ll make the sequel a theatrical priority unless changes are made.

    Highs

    Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny: Most of this movie is what you’d expect of Disney zombifying old, beloved properties. Despite that, I loved the end in a way that I still reflect upon fondly? I can’t talk about it without spoiling the whole thing (whatever that’s worth), so check my Letterboxd review for the details.

    The Marvels and Blue Beetle: I skipped a lot of superhero media this year, but both DC and Marvel pulled off great stories with BIPOC families as superhero support systems recently. I also loved Blue Beetle’s placement in a fictional version of Miami, with an added neon flare and use of 90s aesthetics as a contrast to the modern day. I wish the Khan family had been a bigger part of The Marvels, but it was a nice sequel to the Ms. Marvel show that didn’t feel too tonally different.

    Gran Turismo: As far as commercials with a thin veneer of cinema went in 2023, this was one of my favorites. A racing movie that’s mostly guys having chemistry together (with the occasional woman for Diversity Win! or We’re Straight I Swear) is very 2005, but sometimes it’s fun to imagine Ad Exec Legolas and Racing Daddy Hopper smooching.

    The Little Mermaid: Halle Bailey is as Disney princess as they come. I liked her so much, I’m tempted to watch this again (although I’d probably just watch the second half).

    Five Nights at Freddy’s: I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the franchise, but I definitely enjoyed watching this in the theater. I also liked that I got a second viewing in at home right away because of its simultaneous release on Peacock. I doubt most movies will do anything like this in the future, but I wish they would.

    Top ten

    10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

    Considering the trailer they had in front of Barbie, I almost didn’t see this one. It felt like they were toeing the line between “girls stink” and “counter-programming” and landing more on the former than the latter in that pass? But it was a good year for Ayo Edibiri, and the thought of her as April O’Neil was too good to pass up.

    I could say a lot of the reason this works for me is nostalgia bait, but that’s only part of the story. I played with Barbies and had multiple Mario experiences as a kid; neither 2023 movie adaptation was more than casually watchable for me. In my childhood, TMNT was exclusively the 1990 movie that I vaguely tolerated because Sara rewatched it over and over again. I can’t tell you which turtle’s which. I always mix up the names Splinter and Shredder! (I had to double-checked the names when I wrote this.) Mostly, I just really liked that this iteration of Turtles felt like teens I know today. I always thought the ‘90s Turtles seemed older than teens to me, although my solidly-childhood age might have shaped that view. Either way, I definitely believe 2023’s Turtles are middle schoolers, and charmingly so.

    Also, I thought the animation style was pleasantly grungy and tactile. Not an easy feat in 3D animation, or for someone who gets easily queasy when looking at animation broadly! (Studio Ghibli makes me queasy. It’s tragic.) That, combined with a lovable overall cast and solid story, made this a good family watch.

    I should also add that I watched with a nine-year-old who happily bounced during the action sequences. That’s five stars in his book!

    9. Polite Society

    The funny thing about my inclusion of Polite Society is that I came away more frustrated than anything when I watched, but not because the film or any of the creatives did anything wrong; I saw a trailer months in advance that spoiled the whole movie. I never would have known about the movie if it hadn’t been for the trailer! But it spoiled all the major twists and turns, which is not good when two-thirds of the movie is centered around a bit of a mystery.

    But Polite Society’s here because it was a fun movie, and I think back on it fondly. I’m a sucker for female-led action, especially when the lead is scrappy and a bit rough around the edges. It’s one of the reasons The Marvels is a high for me this year; just watching women getting to lead anything feels like a breath of fresh air. That Polite Society is also British-Pakistani gives it a cultural perspective I don’t see very much, as a white person based in the US. But mostly, it’s the energy of the film that made me a fan. This is what a good popcorn movie should look like!

    8. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

    I’m different than a lot of my circle, both in-person and online, in that my direct experiences with DND are brief at best. I haven’t played more than a trial run or two, I find Baldur’s Gate 3 a bit overwhelming (although it is a 2024 goal to get to an ending), and I haven’t watched any of the popular shows like Critical Role or Dimension 20 or listened to any podcasts or what have you. I say this because I heard from multiple sources that people liked DND:HAT because it felt like a DND game without the table parts. That meant very little to me, and I can’t comment on their use of classes or locations or whatever feels like a failed roll.

    But I liked DND:HAT anyway! It’s a fun fantasy romp with a good cast and a lot of sequences that had delightful shots. That the core emotional story is centered around a fridged Black woman is the main reason this isn’t higher on the list; I honestly wasn’t sure I liked the movie on first watch because I hated that choice so much. That I have rewatched two or three times since and added it high on my list of movies for the year speaks to the overall quality of the rest of the movie (and yes, the inconsistent quality of films overall, but what can you do about that). I hope they make a couple silly sequels and give more actors a chance to play with the material.

    7. May December

    Honestly, this was top two or three on my list when I first watched it. I love Todd Haynes movies; he’s a director that understands film history and pop culture, and he made possibly my all-time favorite movie, Velvet Goldmine. Charles Melton’s performance is still in my top two or three for year and was far more worthy of awards recognition than a lot of names that got nominated.

    So why is it at number seven? Because I found out after the movie how directly they lifted from actual Mary Kay Letourneau interviews, and I read this interview with survivor Vili Fualaau and found out he wasn’t consulted for the movie. It feels like both the movie’s existence and press tour around it probably compounded Fualaau’s trauma, and they didn’t even talk to him about it? This is not the way you want art to reflect life, and vice versa.

    (Also, that link made me realize that Fualaau is only a couple years older than I am, which was a shock and a half. It definitely put the real-life events into clearer perspective.)

    But the movie still spoke to me. I was around abusive adults as a kid, especially ones who used the arts as a shield or to facilitate their abuse, and saw other kids around me preyed upon. May December is one of the few films I’ve seen that covers the topic in a way that’s more complicated than the usual media depictions of toxic stage parents or what have you.

    Anyway, its inclusion and position here is a reflection of my mixed feelings. Yes, I got a lot out of it, and I think a lot of the craft involved was very good. No, I’m not sure it’s worth making a real person’s life worse, and Hollywood is structured terribly in regard to ethics, trauma, and children. I don’t think reaching out to the real man involved was too much to ask, bare minimum.

    6. The Holdovers

    Since this is a Best Picture nominee, see that post for more.

    5. Past Lives

    Another Best Picture nominee that gets more later!

    4. A Thousand and One

    I’m so glad I prioritized A Thousand and One even though it didn’t get any Oscar noms. I’ve done this catch-up period stuff enough to know that the Oscars covers some ground, but there are always major omissions, and works by marginalized voices are far more likely to fall by the wayside. I watched this the second I saw it on Prime Video. Along with Past Lives, it was a very good year for debut filmmakers!

    One of the things this list conveys is that I like character-centric dramas, and A Thousand and One definitely qualifies. Teyana Taylor was the movie’s heart in a small ensemble, and I can think of several Oscar nominees I would have bumped to give her a nod. I can’t talk too much about the story itself because experiencing the movie was one of my favorite parts, but the ideas of family and racial gentrification were developed in interesting and complicated ways. The production design was fantastic, too; it’s not easy to show changes over time, especially in a smaller-budget movie, but they pulled it off beautifully.

    Mostly, I hope this movie’s success at Sundance will give director A.V. Rockwell more opportunities. This is a filmmaker I want to see more from.

    3. Beau is Afraid

    My first reaction when I watched Beau is Afraid was “cool movie, having a major panic attack, will never watch it again”. When I calmed down, I found I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I have never seen a movie that captured my daily internal experience so well. (If you’ve seen the movie too: yes, I’ve done a lot of therapy, don’t worry.) I can replay most of the movie vividly in my head, which is no easy feat for something so intense and so long. But it’s also really funny? Beau is Afraid didn’t miss that the best comedy is found from distortion and exaggeration, and what’s intrusive thinking if not exaggeration?

    Beau is Afraid also takes generational trauma in relation to all of this very seriously. The generational trauma I inherited comes from a different source: a combination of “general US poverty”, “untreated mental whatever”, and “Irish diaspora”, versus this film’s “Jewish diaspora” and “parental abandonment” and whatever else. Probably no one wants to find common ground in this particular way. But since I have, I’m super grateful this movie exists. I might even buy a physical copy to keep as part of a “break glass when I’m too stuck in my head” toolkit. I don’t know that there’s any better way to have perspective on how silly your brain can be than having someone else show so many of the same pitfalls and kind of hold your hand about it.

    2. Bottoms

    Year of Ayo Edibiri continues! I’ve only logged Bottoms twice on my Letterboxd, but I’m reasonably sure I’ve watched it three or four times at this point. I admit, there’s a bit right before the climax where the movie loses steam and a bit of a grasp on its zany tone, so I skip around sometimes. But that’s one flaw in an otherwise fantastic comedy, where queer people get to be ugly and untalented and still beat the crap out of people.

    There isn’t much to say beyond that! Fun build to the ending, charming cast (with a surprisingly good Marshawn Lynch?), super queer in a way that I don’t get to see enough of. Everyone’s firing on all cylinders in this one.

    1. Nimona

    Most of what I could say here, I said in two different Letterboxd reviews. “kill the cop in your head: the movie” is the most succinct, but I think my second review also covers important ground:

    my favorite movie of 2023! it’s one of the few films i saw in the last year that has the courage to meet the moment where it is in terms of narrative and themes, and it does it with a fun frankness well-suited to its family vibe. a toxic system only survives by creating monsters to look away from the rot within, and when we teach children fear, the rot survives. children can be just as dangerous behind a sword as anyone. but we all have the chance to learn, and if we want to survive, growth and love aren’t soft or meaningless. it’s all we have.

    nimona’s survival story is also emblematic of the greater dysfunction in hollywood and the us’s economic systems, in that disney ate and destroyed its original production company, and only netflix buying it meant the hard work of nimona’s artists got to be seen. how many industries are being destroyed for the sake of a handful of people who are already wealthy? how much labor has been discarded, and will continue to be discarded, in the name of tax breaks? how many people in marginalized groups will have a hand extended when the world’s eyes are there, only for the hand to be retracted the second backs are turned or there’s a hint of pressure?

    this is all connected to nimona’s narrative, too: queerness is a big reason why disney didn’t keep the movie. they reportedly objected to the surface-level inclusion of ballister/goldenloin kissing, which was probably their excuse for how queer the whole film is in every way, for the ways the model minority myth is explored, for the directness of walls getting torn down. people are losing their rights and dying in real life, but gay kissing between cartoon characters is still too much, somehow.

    i could go on, but as angry as i am about everything right now, nimona gives me hope. it validates how i see the world, and it’s a good reminder that a lot of people want everything to be better, and that’s what i ultimately take away from the movie when i watch this. we can do this. i know we can.

    What else I can add is this: I watched Nimona grow since its inception. I started following comic-creator (and film producer) ND Stevenson on Tumblr back when he was posting Lord of the Rings comics. Not only did I witness pages post, extras come to being, and a full book get published, I saw his journey as a creative blossom when he started working in animation, and I saw his autobiographical comics depict his ongoing queer experience.

    I would have loved Nimona the movie on its own; I have no doubt of that. But it’s also representative of a core part of my identity, which you could call “Tumblr queer” if you want to strip the whole thing of nuance. It’s finding community and expressing queer identity in online spaces, through creative endeavors. I was doing this a good decade before Tumblr’s existence, but Tumblr is one of the places this part of me lives on today.

    Queer expression in online spaces is under a lot of threat right now, from proposed/enacted legislations, from unchecked and unexamined bigotries, and from the gross mismanagement of online social spaces. I don’t think someone like Nate would have ever had it easy, but I’ve watched a lot of the mechanisms that supported him and others like him crumble or get destroyed in real time. That’s not to say all hope is gone! I know we’re already seeing some creatives come from places like TikTok. But it would be naive to say that things aren’t bad right now.

    Still, like I said in the above review, Nimona the movie gives us hope and potential answers, and it’s a rare success in a time and place where that’s hard to come by. It’s why I treasure it so much! And after a year like 2023, I’m glad it exists.

    Coming in the next couple days

    My Oscars recap! I watched all the Best Picture nominees and a smattering of contenders from other categories. See you then!

  • Doc Martin (the greatest show ever) Episode Recaps
    doc martin

    Doc Martin s1e2: “Gentlemen Prefer” (2004)

    This is an ongoing feature recapping episodes of the Greatest Show Ever, ITV’s “Doc Martin.” Please watch the episodes before reading if you don’t want spoilers.

    Doctor Martin Ellingham’s surgery has opened for its first patients. Unfortunately, Martin has a very particular idea of the way medicine should work, and the rest of the town doesn’t understand the rules he expects.

    On day one, his waiting room is filled with people who don’t have actual issues, but simply want to visit. Visiting with the former doctor seems to be something that the town used as social time. With a lot of lonely older people around, including one adorable widower, they certainly need a listening ear — but it’s not coming from Martin.

    His new assistant Elaine is also not behaving the ways he expects, so he fires her. And the town does not like it. Firing Elaine makes all of Portwenn immediately turn on their unfriendly doctor. Even a young patient he helped (and Martin says “I like you” to him!) utterly rejects Martin for this sin.

    In order for Martin to be a good doctor here, he must learn a whole set of new skills. It’s simply not the same as being a good doctor in London.

    He can’t be a doctor in London anymore, though, and this is the first time we get a glimpse at why. A bit of blood on his jacket sends him running for a bathroom. Oh no! Our not-so-beloved doctor has bloodphobia! This is a defining characteristic for Martin, and it’s so serious he throws out an entire perfectly good jacket just for getting a little blood on it. His little speech to a patient about the bloodphobia is extremely endearing.

    The medical mystery: What’s causing the raspy voice of former teacher Roger Fenn? There’s a lump in his throat, but he initially won’t accept a referral onward to a specialist.

    Fenn’s got a chip on his shoulder, which isn’t too different from Martin himself. Fenn felt like he was kicked out of his job, lost to Louisa Glasson, and he’s carried this anger through his life. Even to the point he’s trying to ignore cancer of the larynx.

    How can Martin get through to Fenn? His brusque personality isn’t working here either, at first, but frankly informing Fenn of his possible diagnosis does make an impact. Fenn goes on to become Martin’s first ally in the town. Martin changes, sure, but his competency is hard for anyone to ignore.

    The Assistant: Elaine’s not good at her job. A mother calls in because her child, Bobby, has stomach pain and vomiting, but Elaine fails to take down the actual name and number. Since she’s also showing up late to work and doesn’t double-check prescriptions, Martin fires her for the incompetence.

    Apparently this is the wrong thing to do because even Bobby’s mother is angry at him for firing Elaine. A local restaurant refuses to serve him for firing Elaine as well. She might be terrible at her job, but she’s still much better-liked than Martin.

    The Auntie: Ultimately, it’s Aunt Joan who talks sense into Martin…or something like that. Joan helped raise Martin; she knows he’s a pain in the ass. But she’s not on his side with the firing of Elaine, either. Her argument is the most sensible. To paraphrase the wisdom of Aunt Joan: “You suck too, Martin. Be forgiving.” Except imagine I said that with an English accent.

    The perspective she gives Martin is enough to get him growing, and he reaches out to be kind toward Elaine. The fact Elaine initially can’t accept that is not his fault, for once; however, his personal growth permits Elaine to close the gap between the two of them and regain her job. At least for the rest of the season.

    Louisa & Martin: Again, Louisa can’t stand Martin’s abrasive personality, but Roger Fenn is the one who can’t stand Louisa’s shallow kindness. Fenn actually needs Martin’s bad attitude in order to listen to medical advice. Louisa isn’t perfect, even when she fakes it. Although Louisa’s characterization isn’t wholly consistent throughout the show, one thing remains true: as critical as she can be of Martin, she also fails to see where she can be the problem.

    As usual, Martin proves that he’s better than everyone expects by showing up for Roger Fenn, and he and Louisa form a sort of three-person family of people who aren’t good at being liked.

    Favorite Quote: From Martin to his very first patient: “Collect a thousand loyalty points and you get a free coffin.”

    ~

    Louisa’s Hair Rating: 10/10. Rather than her later-standard ponytail, she’s got this half up, half down thing going on that looks extremely lush and fancy. I like her wispy bangs. This is a quality hairstyle, especially for 2004. She’s so pretty!!

    Infuriating Level: 10/10. Elaine is so! bad! at! her! job! Martin was correct to fire her, and the whole town turning on him is nuts. These people would die without a doctor, but it’s amazing nobody dies from Elaine’s general incompetency.

    Episode Greatness Level: 8/10. This is a pretty normal outing for the show, setting up a lot of the comfortable formula we enjoy through most of the seasons.

  • sara reads the feed

    Reacquainting with myself, Hollywood hollywouldn’t, how to milk your amphibian

    I keep telling myself to stop publicly posting about this whole leg of my sobriety journey because it is not interesting. Yet here we are, and here I intend to remain.

    I don’t know what’s causing my mood disturbances right now. But I am disturbed in a way I haven’t been for many years. They say that heavy cannabis users may continue experiencing withdrawal effects for about a year. It could be that. It could be my attempt to curtail caffeine, which is a grumpy experience. It could be the gaba/l-theanine I’m using to sleep. It could be PMS. It could be bog-standard autism meltdowns.

    I never really had a full picture of what was happening to me. Therapists and psychiatrists haven’t been entirely helpful. There are reasons I ended up self-medicating with, like, everything on the planet. But there are also reasons I stopped all that.

    I do miss the version of me that didn’t have many emotions, when I was very stoned. I liked the numbness. Obviously! It’s hard and scary when I melt down. I can miss it, but not want it. I’ve learned too much to want it again, for better or worse. The exciting self-medicating part of my life has ended. Now it’s just me with my miswired brain, and I’m raw-dogging this shit.

    The helpful thoughts that I have now that I’m older and not using Substances:

    This is going to pass, sooner rather than later.

    These feelings are just feelings.

    Wherever I am in the moment is where I am in the moment.

    The latter point is an extension of things I’ve been learning while reading about Buddhism. Thinking about tanha, desire, and the desire to be rid of whatever meltdown I’m in, the desire to be different — that is one source of dukkha, suffering. It’s also a reminder to root myself where I am and utilize grounding techniques I learned in IOP.

    To some extent, I am trying to accept this is how I’ve always worked. This is my werewolf, my demon, my Lady Hyde. I haven’t seen her in a while. She is scary and familiar. Hey there, girly-girl. Weirdly, I kinda missed you.

    ~

    The whole Netflix games thing is still weird, but it is going to bring Hades natively to iOS on March 19th (Engadget), so I’m pretty pumped about that. It’ll be a good format for it.

    ~

    Anna Marie Tendler has a memoir coming out in August, and it sounds relatable (Variety). I’ll be there.

    ~

    I always have the urge to snark about projects like this, which seem ill-advised at best and a grievous misuse of resources in a struggling society at worst, but I’m honestly pretty neutral about efforts to bring back woolly mammoths (NPR). The end game might strike me as silly, but hopefully we learn useful stuff from it.

    ~

    Doctors aren’t allowed to participate in lethal injections, so a lot of the people who do it are simply those with related experience, like EMTs and nurses. In some states, they are volunteers. (NPR)

    ~

    Here’s an interesting Ars Technica about the evolution of a firefly’s glow, which comes from something called luciferase. I wanted to try to summarize it, but I don’t really understand it, and scientists don’t entirely understand it yet either. Still kinda cool to think about though.

    ~

    The FDA has approved its first OTC continuous glucose monitor. (Engadget) I already predict it will be used by a lot of people who follow ketogenic and low-carb diets as part of their eating disorder. For my part, I seem to have reactive hypoglycemia as a side-effect of my SSRIs (which I was told by a dietician at IOP a couple years back), and I really want one of these so I can (hopefully) be warned the drop is coming before I’m feeling like hell. It needs replacement every couple weeks, so I hope it’s affordable.

    I do a finger stick test if I want to verify why I feel horrible — usually while eating something to bring up my sugars again — but I feel *so* *terrible* in these situations, it would be nice if the thingy just did it for me.

    ~

    The climate crisis has already been here for a while, and in many ways that American denialists just don’t see. Here’s an AJE article about how climate change is impacting Malaysian fishers.

    ~

    Vinnie Jones refused to play Juggernaut again unless they paid him much better, and Hollywouldn’t pay him (ba dum tss), so there we are. (Variety) He’s not the only Actually Good Actor who has been deeply disappointed by their brush with modern superhero cinema. It’s a shame: Jones is not just a good actor, but a great fit for Juggernaut. I can’t think of one better tbh. Pay actors what they deserve! Stop making movies by committee!

    ~

    I’ve pretty much only heard negative reactions to the live action Avatar: The Last Airbender remake, but Netflix’s numbers have deemed it worthy of renewal anyway. (Reactor, formerly Tor dot Com) The cast is adorable so I guess I’m glad they’re getting more work.

    Tangentially, I’m really reluctant to share Reactor articles when Tor, the publisher, is using AI covers. It’s just like…the world is such garbage and they’re not a place to hide out from it. Reactor can try to disassociate but the north remembers. Or something like that.

    ~

    Frostpunk 2 is coming out in June. Maybe I’ll actually play more than the one campaign in Frostpunk 1 someday? Hahahaha just kidding, it’s one of those games I love where I will only ever play about 5% of the content. I’ll buy the sequel to support them, though.

    ~

    Researchers found an amphibian that makes milk. Sounds tasty already! (NPR) Slurp slurp.

  • credit: Apple and Universal Pictures
    movie reviews

    Movie Review: Argylle (2024) ***

    Argylle is a movie about a red-haired genre fiction author with a cat and a big ol’ booty getting entangled with the spies she writes about. Think Romancing the Stone meets Kingsman: The Secret Service, which is the easiest and most accurate comparison because both Kingsman and Argylle are Matthew Vaughn movies.

    I can’t tell you that Argylle is a good movie because I don’t think it is, but I enjoyed it thoroughly. I was convinced from the trailer that Argylle was made for me. And it was. I loved Kingsman 1&2, and I too am a dump trucked sometimes-redheaded author of genre fiction who loves cats.

    But Argylle was “for me” in ways I didn’t expect, too. By the time the over-wrought ending comes around with peak terribad CGI and an “okay, is it over now?” aroma, Matthew Vaughn is dangling genderfuckery and gay subtext over my head like a cat toy. I get it Matthew Vaughn! We’re both disaster bisexuals who want to be topped by Bryce Dallas Howard! gawd.

    This is another outing for Samuel L. Jackson, who appears to be spending his recent career years doing Only Movies Where He Can Fuck Off and Enjoy Himself. He has a spectacularly shallow role in the plot, along with other Vaughn-bff Sofia Boutella, playing her minor part in the disaster bisexuality of it all. And there are cameos from Ariana DeBose playing a lesbian in CGI locations.

    Catherine O’Hara plays Moira from Schitt’s Creek, Bryan Cranston plays a real ~daddy~, and nobody here was working all that hard but they’re kinda too amazing to suck anyway.

    I’m convinced there is a clause in Sam Rockwell’s contract that allows him to *always* do his fancy footwork dancing. He radiates Husband Who Doesn’t Wear the Pants vibes, so I like him a lot, except for the part where his character doesn’t like cats. That’s not negotiable.

    But mostly I’m here for Bryce Dallas Howard, my wife, boobular and asstastic, serving up size-12 action movie doe eyes. The thirst is so, so strong. She looks good in every look. I want her to destroy me.

    I guess Henry Cavill is there too.

    You’ll guess the twist in the first twenty minutes if you don’t already know it, and the plot really labors over spy twist after spy twist, and somehow I enjoy the whole thing. Every twist *feels* pointless and shallow, but they’re also clearly tropes that gives Matthew Vaughn a raging stiff Vaughner, and it works on me too.

    You know how I talk about some movies being intended to push buttons exclusively? Like when directors just make something because the idea is so hot to them, they don’t care if it actually works on any other level? Well, Argylle (and I suppose Kingsman) is this for Matthew Vaughn, and it’s fully this for me. It kickpunches every last spy fetish button I have and slips in some genderfuck to make sure I’m left drooling for fanfic. (There’s barely any fanfic! Guess I’m gonna be writing a spy romance.)

    I highly recommend this movie to people like me, who don’t mind that the whole thing looks like one of those old CD-ROM games where people were filmed in front of green screens and plastered over 90s pixel art, who are very gay, who like spy movies. So I guess basically I recommend this for people who liked Tenet too.

    (image credit: Apple and Universal Pictures)

  • sara reads the feed

    more fuzzy head complaining, rats in EA & warehouses, Werner Herzog on Barbie

    Quitting caffeine is so much harder on me than quitting weed so far. I spent so much time yesterday staring at my screen, trying to write, unable to think of any words. I hate stimulants. Mild use, for me, apparently means heart palpitations; quitting it once I’ve got a dependency means becoming an utter zombie with relentless migraines.

    Guzzling iced tea got me into more of a thinky place by the end of the day, but that’s not really a long term solution.

    I have to believe if I quit-quit, it will all be better in a month, but I have already sacrificed a month to babysitting myself through weed withdrawal and I’m so reluctant to do it again so soon. On the other hand, from what I’ve learned about substance dependency the last two years, I really want to…not be dependent! On anything! It just sucks because caffeine is in so many things, like basically every drink I enjoy, and also chocolate, and even OTC migraine medications.

    On the bright side, I’m not even thinking about weed much anymore, which I never would have thought possible two months ago. Two years ago. Eight years ago. Sober life is pretty neat.

    ~

    Another reason it’s good to be off weed is because studies may link cardiovascular disease to cannabis use. (Ars Technica) The more you use (especially daily like me), the likelier you are to have a heart attack or stroke. Considering my heart palpitations became a THING when I was quitting, I totally believe this. There is a big cardiovascular involvement.

    The classification of cannabis with far more dangerous drugs has prevented studies like this until recently. America’s drug war has made drugs more dangerous on multiple axes.

    ~

    If you watched the John Oliver episode about dollar stores (YouTube), you won’t be surprised that Family Dollar has been fined over rodents in its warehouses. (NPR)

    ~

    The CDC recommends covid boosters for ages 65+. (Ars Technica) If the CDC, who recommends you should try licking that light socket, is suggesting the booster, y’all should get the booster.

    ~

    Game industry layoff gore continues. EA is laying off 650 employees. (Engadget) Yikes, EA.

    ~

    For the time being, Star Trek is safe from David Zaslav and Zaslavian destructive management style. Paramount won’t be acquired by Warner Bros. (Ars Technica)

    ~

    I have to share this for the great headline, which you MUST read in his voice: Werner Herzog Watched 30 Minutes of ‘Barbie’ and Asked: ‘Could It Be That the World of Barbie Is Sheer Hell?’ (Variety)

    ~

    Montana, of all places, says that a woman’s right to abortion is tied to her right to privacy. A judge declared three anti-abortion laws unconstitutional. (NPR)

    ~

    The Oscars loves snubbing horror movies (NPR), as evidenced by the fact Nope should have cleared the 2023 Oscars and did not.

    ~

    Two days ago, Ars Technica reported that X revived its anti-deadnaming policy.

    Today, X bent over to suck right wing interests and killed the policy again. (Engadget)

    ~

    Sophie Boutella defends ‘Rebel Moon,’ and rightly so. (Variety) The movie itself was bad, in the opinion of my review. But Sophie Boutella acted her ass off in it. She committed herself to some of the absolute worst dialogue and gave some absolutely excellent line readings. It’s not her fault the film sucked. She’s right to want to see it treated better when she did her part so well.

  • Doc Martin (the greatest show ever) Episode Recaps
    doc martin

    Doc Martin s1e1: “Going Bodmin” (2004)

    Doc Martin is the greatest TV show ever made. I can’t tell you exactly why this is true. I can list things that I love about the show, but what about these things makes it “the greatest”? I’m not entirely sure. But I love Doc Martin in a way that I have never loved a show on my first watch-through.

    I adore the titular character, Martin Ellingham, though I initially found him off-putting. You need a keen eye to see actor Martin Clunes’s comic chops through his dour, neurotic, wooden-faced performance as Dr Ellingham. After a time, it becomes clear the only reason this character (who is incredibly autism-coded) works is because Clunes is a genius of physical comedy. He delivers the driest English humor and most restrained-yet-cartoony gesture work.

    Martin is wish fulfillment in a character. He says what’s on his mind and tells people to shut up, go away, etc without a hint of shame. His incredibly logical approach to this batty small town feels a lot like being an autistic person in real life. It’s never quite clear why we’ve left someone miffed when we’re just speaking the unfiltered truth. Martin speaks with thorough medical confidence, which makes it all the more frustrating when he offends an entire village with his frankness.

    The main appeal of Martin, for me, is competency porn. He’s really good at his job, usually. Mistakes can be made, but it’s seldom because he doesn’t care enough. If he realizes someone is in real danger, he cares deeply, and he won’t let go of the case until everything has been handled. Some have said medical shows are the hospital version of copaganda; it gives an unfairly glowing idea of a system that is incapable of producing sleuths who care so much and commit so many resources to any individual case. As someone medically complicated, I like dreaming of a doctor who could fix me.

    Martin alone isn’t enough to make this show The Greatest. It’s a lot of things, big and small, that make Portwenn feel real and keep me returning to its Cornish shore.

    The closest comparison I can make to an American TV show (at least, one that I’ve watched) is Elementary, another 1/3 of my all-time favorite TV shows, along with Bryan Fuller’s Hannibal. Elementary also stars an English lead who is autistic-coded with terrible social skills. They’re both shows oriented mostly toward mysteries, too. They’re procedurals where the central detective isn’t a cop. There’s also a female lead who I find extremely appealing: Lucy Liu in the case of Elementary, and Caroline Catz in the case of Doc Martin.

    Doc Martin is funnier, though, and often less reassuringly predictable than Elementary; some of the episodes sincerely stress me out. But that excitement is part of the appeal too. Hence why I want to review THE GREATEST TV SHOW EVER MADE, episode by episode (if it suits me). I am obsessed, it itches my brain, and I have mentally moved to Portwenn. I’ll send you a post card.

    Please note: All of these posts will have spoilers. I highly recommend watching the episodes before my recaps because the guessing is part of the fun.

    ~

    Episode Recap

    Doc Martin flies into the small Cornish town of Portwenn to accept a new job as the general practitioner (GP). Before his surgery has been prepared, he’s already facing his first medical mystery.

    It’s called “Going Bodmin” in reference to an asylum in Bodmin. The giggling girl chorus that remains *delightfully* consistent throughout the TV show calls Martin Bodmin from the get-go. They’re right, but can you blame him? You can imagine why when he’s losing his cool over the dog in the surgery, the narrow roads, and a town that wants to do everything but allow him to work peacefully.

    The real story here is that Martin hates small-town life, but he doesn’t have any choices. He’s gotten himself driven away from his fabulous London job. The problems from London will follow him everywhere because the problem is Martin. He has to make this terrible town work, because he’s terrible at being human. And Portwenn desperately needs a doctor. The GP preceding him, Dr Sim, left behind a complete mess.

    The medical mystery: Why does an older gentleman have gynecomastia?

    Martin thinks it’s because enboobied Colonel Gilbert Spencer’s wife, Susan, is using way too much oestrogen cream, but when a surfer also shows up with gynecomastia, Martin loses confidence in that theory. There’s some question whether the water in Portwenn might be contaminated–which comes up again later.

    It’s easy to predict the reveal yourself before Martin figures it out because the answer is unspooled from the very beginning. You can see Susan bustling away from her affair as soon as Martin arrives, and her distracted surfer paramour loses his car to high tide.

    You already know the affair is coming long before it’s discovered at the worst possible moment. People love spoilers, especially when they spoil themselves. But you can easily understand why Martin, who is terrible at predicting human behavior, would not understand the mystery sooner.

    Louisa & Martin: Martin and Louisa meet for the first time on the plane into town. Martin does the thing where he stares intensely at a woman until she thinks he’s a pervert, but he whips out a diagnosis that defuses the situation…kinda.

    Louisa Glasson isn’t convinced that Martin is cut out for the village. He’s spent 12 years as a surgeon, who see people as bodies rather than people. And oh *boy* are the residents of Portwenn “people,” not bodies.

    But Louisa begins respecting him when she realizes that Martin was correct diagnosing her with glaucoma. Much like myself, Louisa loves a competent man. She’s soft and generous and expansive this early in the show. She goes from angry to friendly in a snap. Martin’s attraction toward Louisa is subtler, aside from a couple darling moments where he gazes at her through a school window and sees she’s wearing an eye patch. Hey, it’s someone who actually took his medical advice! What’s not to love?

    Worth noting that Martin Clunes has a great pining-face. You can trust me on this one, I’m an expert.

    Also, it might look like Martin is too old for Louisa, but the actors are only eight years apart in age. Caroline Catz is just very beautiful and Martin Clunes is very square-headed.

    The Larges: If you get competency porn feelings from Martin as a great doctor, you will not from the Larges. Bert and his son Al (presumably Albert and Albert Jr) are plumbers who show their dreadful skills in this episode by busting a pipe and flooding Martin’s surgery. It’s hard to believe these two doofy dudes will persist throughout the show, but they do!

    Plumbing is their first of many failed ventures, and you can’t blame Martin for going Bodmin about it. But Bert Large also quickly becomes one of Martin’s access points to the town. Bert entreats Martin to care for the humans who have always been his neighbors, and his working class sensibility is exactly what Martin needs to concede his pride.

    The Assistant: We meet Elaine in this episode, played by legendary evil step-sister actress Lucy Punch. (You might know her from one of my favorite movies, Ella Enchanted.) Elaine is unprofessionalism wearing white girl dreads. She won’t take notes he requests, uses his phone for personal calls, and wants to be paid even when she doesn’t actually do anything.

    Elaine has been foisted upon Martin by the town in much the same way as the dog. He is surrounded by things he doesn’t want. But maybe there’s something here he needs?

    The Auntie: Aunt Joan is introduced in a chicken coop. This is a woman who helped raise Martin when he visited her farm in summertime, and when we see her practical personality (including a quick chicken neck snapping) it quickly begins to contextualize Martin’s personality too.

    ~

    Louisa’s Hair Rating: 7/10. It’s a little flat. Her fringe isn’t at it’s fringiest, either.

    Infuriating Level: 5/10. Martin’s more annoying than the town at this point, but don’t worry, things swing around quickly.

    Episode Greatness Level: 10/10. I just love the Old Man Boobies episode, I won’t lie.

  • movie reviews

    Movie Review: Lisa Frankenstein (2024) ***

    “Lisa Frankenstein” is a revenge fantasy for depressed girls who read Jane Eyre at graveyards in the 1980s.

    Diablo Cody says the name is a “coincidence” because she was naming the character after Lisa from Weird Science, and she didn’t mean to invoke “Lisa Frank,” a brand which might be litigious if the writer said otherwise. The movie definitely has a lot more to do with Weird Science than Lisa Frank. It’s about a magically resurrected person who exists to fulfill the teenager’s romantic and sexual fantasies. Thank you, magical lightning!

    I was sold on the concept from the get-go. The lively teaser trailer had me pumped, and the movie certainly fulfills the expectations of the trailer. But there’s not a lot more than that. If you search up the version of the trailer that is ~4 minutes long, that is almost exactly the movie, except Lisa Frankenstein has been extended to ~90 minutes.

    I’m not saying this as a complaint. The trailer should tell you whether or not you’ll like the movie. This is all button-pushes without much substance: amazing goth aesthetic, melodramatic performances from talented actors, and an Edward Scissorhands aesthetic homage.

    If you want early Tim Burton done with feminine sensibilities, then Zelda Williams has you covered.

    If you want Jughead Jones doing a mostly dialogue-free Demon Barber of Fleet Street, you’re in the right place.

    If you’d like a whole lot of new screenshots for your angsty colorful Tumblr mood board, then there may have never been a better movie for you.

    My question for moviegoers broadly is, do you love the idea of a tanning bed resurrecting Frankenstein’s Boyfriend so much that you’ll get something out of the movie version more than the trailer?

    I did, but it’s less because the movie bounced on my buttons and more because debut director Zelda Williams did an amazing job. I was so obsessed with everything visual that I literally could not resist drawing while I worked on it. What a strong style. I look forward to more from this director, and I hope she drags her cinematographer along.

    The story, eh. Diablo Cody’s writing often feels hollow to me. Concept is made king because Cody doesn’t create fully realized characters that feel human. There is something terribly flat and mean-girl about the way that Cody draws characters in every movie I’ve seen outside Juno, and sometimes I really wonder how Juno managed to be so human given the givens.

    The story *mostly* works if you see it as being written by someone with a grudge toward certain archetypes which may or may not actually exist. It’s all emotional catharsis without needing to grow up. Our heroine can remain forever in a stunted state of teenage love.

    Fabulous performances cover a lot of shaky ground. Kathryn Newton is divine as a very old high schooler (she looks and feels 27, even slouching her way between lockers, but this is normal for the Hollywood High School Cinematic Universe). Liza Soberano is precious. Carla Gugino puts a lot of work into realizing her villainous stepmother. Jughead Jones joneses Jugheadily.

    Show up for the concept, stay for the aesthetic, and just kinda step over the writing. Lisa Frankenstein is fabulous fun.