a photo of a Cynopterus brachyotis specimen

I am in shape. Potato-on-stilts is a shape.

I gained a lot of weight in the last 3.5 years, went from US size 4 to a size 16, and it’s funny how my internet now advertise ~plus size clothes~ to me aggressively. i feel incredibly normal sized at size 16 but the ads are like “Hey fatty! Want clothes for your FATNESS? You can still look hot EVEN IF YOU ARE A FAT FATTY” Also, diet products. SO MANY DIET PRODUCTS.

It’s wild because at size 16, I feel incredibly normal and I’m within the average spectrum of sizes in my community. I am a 35 year old woman, mother of two, who does not leave her house right now; my body is very suitable for my circumstances. I am five foot ten and around two hundred pounds. Most men would not consider themselves overweight at these proportions, particularly when they do as much house work as I do. It is only women who must feel insufficient because we dared to stop counting calories.

Capitalism hopes that changing in this way has completely flipped my identity around. I now need to identify as a PLUS SIZE GIRRRRL who wants to DRESS FOR MY CURRRVES (I support women who do this, you’re all really hot, marry me). Personally I dress so that I look like an eldritch witch-elf lurking in my house, like a trap spider, hoping to eat anyone who passes nearby. I do this at all dress sizes.

And oh my god, the absurd diet/exercise products. I know more about diet & exercise than folks at my eating disorder hospitalization program did (you know how intense I am about crochet now? I was that intense about diet/fitness for 10 years) and I know exactly how ridiculous, injurious, and foolish these ads are. They seem so predatory, too. They are trying to bite at one of the most vulnerable places on my hide.

Whether it’s “buy your way to pseudo-empowerment” or “fix yourself” nonsense, all I get out of this is that I might have grown in my relationship with body image, but society is still *really really* sick.

Also I’m not always happy with my body’s aesthetics, but I’ve become a big fan of Body Neutrality. This is just me. I’m not going to hurt myself to change it. Ads aren’t going to talk me into hurting myself to change it. I’m fine.

I kinda hate curvy fashion because none of it fits me. I’m an apple body type. If I didn’t mostly gain weight in my waist, I’d be two dress sizes smaller. They always think women will have big butts, big hips, big boobs, and then…any waist, whatsoever. I don’t have a waist! I’m not made that way! So I buy this stuff, and it cinches around my waist then looks like saggy diaper butt. Capitalism, if you want me to spend money on this stuff, you will have to make things that actually fit me. I’m going to keep wearing witchy muumuus.

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