I’m starting to feel a bit better (finally!). I’ve been writing almost every day (albeit not much) and taking care to move more. Seeing how my blood pressure spiked after quitting cannabis has motivated me to make my heart stronger. I’m walking more, trying to do yoga stretches, and just generally avoiding hours-long sessions in my cozy rocking chair.

Thing is, I’m not sure my life will change dramatically if I’m feeling better. The world is different these days, and I am too. Every time I go out to do something I’m shocked by the prices. It just doesn’t seem reasonable, anywhere, for anything. But there isn’t a ton you can do in my area if you aren’t outdoorsy and don’t want to spend money. I guess I will go back to the library? Actually, the library sounds really good.

Alas, my little Sunshine is sick, and I have both spring and summer breaks approaching. My time is not mine right now.

I’m okay with that too. My kids will be 10 and 14 this year, and it occurs to me that I just don’t have much time left with my kids as kids. With an end to This Phase in sight, I feel very comfortable deciding to mostly focus on being with them when they want me.

Our home is still a really fun place to be since the pandemic anyway. We have no shortage of plants, puzzles, books, games, pets, and virtual reality. There’s family in ~2mi walking distance. We didn’t really choose to hunker down in 2020, but at this point, hunkering down has become so pleasant.

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Traffic on Egregious has ticked up a wee bit. If I get actual traffic outside my bubble, the site is getting flushed down the toilet. I always threatened this with my Twitter account and it remained obscure. I now apply this rule here.

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Psyche connects that tingle-down-the-spine feeling with alleviating depression symptoms, but notes it can only help so much because not everyone gets it. I realized I don’t get that feeling anymore…not in any dramatic noticeable way. I wonder why.

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Engadget: YouTube lays out new rules for ‘realistic’ AI-generated videos. I really don’t think this is because they care about integrity, but because they want to keep AI content out of data sets for training AI.

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Private capital successfully ransacked JoAnn’s (NPR), which (as a crocheter) I know to be doing just fine. As the article itself says, most stores have positive cashflow. They’re squeezing more value out of it by going bankrupt and keeping the stores open. Normal American nonsense.

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Ars Technica: The US government seems serious about developing a lunar economy. I used to love this kind of idea. Now that I’m old and jaded, I mostly see this as ransacking a treasure that belongs to the whole world. One of my most persistent fears has become someone/some entity changing the Moon in a way that we can see from Earth.

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Al Jazeera reports on a new study about Havana Syndrome, which continues to suggest no brain damage in the sufferers. I am so curious what Havana Syndrome is. Theories abound, but so far, we mostly know the symptoms are real and sucky and we can’t find an origin.

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Anne Hathaway’s movie with Nicholas Galitzine is getting audiences all riled up. (Variety) It looks kinda terrible in the way I might enjoy. I might have to watch it peeking through my fingers if the cringe is too strong. I mean, it’s Harry Styles fanfic!

Nicholas Galitzine is one of my favorite younger actors working right now. His choices are so interesting, and he’s always fun to watch. Although now I say that, I looked up his age…he’s twenty-nine. I guess he’s one of those guys who just tends to play younger, since I keep seeing him in Young Guy roles.

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Apologies for the paywalled site, but Kacey Musgraves is around my age (mid-30s) and has also quit smoking weed. (The Cut) It’s always funny to me how closely I track to general trends in the population. I’m often so disconnected from everyone and everything, you’d think I’d be on my own trajectory. Nope. Maybe quitting weed for a while is just a mid-30s thing.

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EmptyWheel talks about all the ways Ireland has been changing, in ways that sound mostly for the better. I love hearing about a diverse and radical Ireland.

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NPR’s Goats and Soda section (?!) has a genuinely interesting article about how Coca-Cola made itself feel “local” to Africa.

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I don’t really follow Doctor Who, but I love Ncuti Gatwa every time I see him. So I will share the info that his first season of Doctor Who will premiere in May. (TSFKA Tor dot com)

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My tick-hating kids will be delighted to hear that humans are getting an anti-tick pill (Ars Technica), much like the tick pill for pet critters.

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Maybe Zuckerberg hasn’t had his fill of making countries dance to his song? Meta is killing its misinformation analysis tool in mid-August, just in time for the American presidential election. (Ars Technica)

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Book Riot shares eleven memoirs by trans and nonbinary authors.

My life is pretty boring right now. I’m mostly just sitting around being available to my kids when they need me, aggregating information about the outside world, ignoring mealybugs on my plants, getting wrist pain from crocheting, drawing silly cartoons, and Having A Lot of Opinions.

I’d still normally have interesting things to say about that, but lowering my caffeine intake has really kicked my butt. If you’re bored about hearing how I am not Getting Anything Done because of multiple successive withdrawals, don’t worry. I’m bored of experiencing it. This crap takes months.

Plus all these substances are how I’ve self-medicated my neurocognitive issues, so everything I know about Getting Stuff Done In That Condition is useless to me now. I have to relearn like. everything. again.

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I’ve been banging on the “power companies are going to kill us all” drum ever since the Camp Fire in Paradise, California killed so many people, thanks to PG&E’s unmaintained infrastructure. That was over five years ago now. I wrote a book partially inspired by it called “His Memory in Ashes.” Anyway, the huge Texas panhandle fire this year was…drumroll please…caused by unmaintained infrastructure from the power company. (NPR) This is gonna keep happening. There has been no political willpower to fix it and the people with money don’t wanna.

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NPR published the most selfish article about how a wife’s desire to have Her Old Life Back is equally (or more) important as her high risk husband’s desire to mask against COVID. You know what, lady? I bet he’d like to have his old life back too. A lot of us would. Public health doesn’t matter to America. We would rather just let people die and be disabled so that people like you can fuck around with the illusion of having Your Old Life Back.

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In ongoing “Community is a great show that had the most absolutely toxic work environment possibly ever” news, Joel McHale reports he once dislocated Chevy Chase’s shoulder in a scuffle. (Variety) I’m sure nobody was sad he did that, but even so.

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BookRiot recommended Black Paradox by Junji Ito. I haven’t read that one so I’m gonna pick it up.

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Cosmopolitan talks about the human rights violations of child labor in influencer families (my phrasing, not theirs).

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You know I can’t resist Weird Organism Stories so here’s an Ars Technica piece about how cicadas pee in jets instead of droplets. Amazing!

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Ars Technica also reports on Air Pods Pro possibly getting “hearing aid” mode, which is cool. I actually use the “aware” mode on my noise-cancelling headphones (I have both Apple and Bose) to limit the amount of auditory input I receive from the world, which is kinda the opposite thing, but I already think of them as accessibility devices is the point here.

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A private space rocket launched in Japan exploded seconds after leaving the launching pad. Bummer for the company, but awesome for those of us who like to watch explosions. (AJE)

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Colbert’s studio didn’t want him to show KStew’s Rolling Stone cover. (Variety) The heteros really just can’t handle the raw sexual power of gender fuckery. They’re so weak.

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Netflix is putting Jennifer Lopez in a mecha suit. I’m so happy. (TSFKA Tor dot com)

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A company is gonna try mining helium-3 from lunar regolith. (Ars Technica) There’s nothing humans won’t try to exploit, even our Moon.

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Lawyers, Guns, and Money shared a good chunk of an interesting NYMag article about gender/sex. NYMag is paywalled, so the LGM link is the one I’m sharing.

I have no idea how to make myself write something I don’t “feel like” working on. I know I used to do it somehow. It’s driving me crazy though — whenever I try to prioritize a project I Don’t Feel Like Working On, I just kinda stop working completely. On the other hand, if it’s something I really really like that turns me into a dopamine machine, I can keep it up for hours.

Maddening.

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My iPad isn’t charging for some reason, and I use it *constantly* for drawing, so I am a little freaked out. Trying not to panic. I don’t want to already go buy another new one, though. I swear I just got this one…two years ago, maybe? Less? Of course I never do warranties.

I need to investigate more before really freaking out about it. It’s my drawing machine though. 🙁 I’ve been drawing a lot lately! I cannot do the same style by hand, or using my computer’s drawing tablet!

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I can’t really do much of anything or emotionally process in a healthy way when I’ve had this stupid headache for so long, though.

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I wish I had never confessed in private to my family that I was going to miss the George Santos impressions on late night tv because somehow THAT QUEEN HEARD ME and he’s running again. (NPR) George Santos…no. Just no. Please God don’t.

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Disappointing to see “Cabrini” trending on TSFKA Twitter and learn it’s another weirdo right wing reactionary flick. (Variety) I thought it might be related to Candyman, which partially takes place at Cabrini-Green. On the bright side, looking up Cabrini-Green’s spelling led me to an utterly fascinating article about its history. (All That’s Interesting)

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Nicole at Thoughts Stained with Ink has been reading/enjoying the Mead Mishaps series.

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Daniel D’Addario at Variety insists that Bradley Cooper’s Oscar run for Maestro was not thirsty. To that, I reply, lmao. No.

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America has been trying to airdrop aid to Gazans. One airdrop killed five people when the parachute failed. (AJE)

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Activision at Microsoft has the biggest video game union: six hundred-some quality control workers have banded together. (Engadget)

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Mexico brought back bullfighting. I’m never sure what to think about that — I don’t personally love killing animals for sport, period, but I also am an Anglo American who frankly doesn’t need an opinion on an unrelated culture’s practices — so I present NPR’s article about female bullfighters without further commentary.

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After a three year journey in orbital free-fall, batteries from the ISS are on their way to uncontrolled reentry. (Ars Technica)

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Mostly gonna put this link here so I can cite it later if necessary: Immigrants less likely to commit crimes than U.S.-born Americans, study finds (NPR)

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WeGovy has gotten FDA approval of semaglutide as a treatment overweight/obesity in order to reduce risks of heart attack/stroke. (NPR) This is surely because insurance companies haven’t been wanting to pay (Ars Technica) out the nose for semaglutide used (until now) off-label for weight loss.

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Literally *right* before the Oscars, the screenwriter of The Holdovers has been accused of plagiarism. (Variety)

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I couldn’t watch much of the GOP response to the State of the Union address because of its weird delivery and unpleasant messaging. Digby’s Hullaballoo, however, has interesting insight about the “fundie baby voice” most of us have been agog at.

I keep telling myself to stop publicly posting about this whole leg of my sobriety journey because it is not interesting. Yet here we are, and here I intend to remain.

I don’t know what’s causing my mood disturbances right now. But I am disturbed in a way I haven’t been for many years. They say that heavy cannabis users may continue experiencing withdrawal effects for about a year. It could be that. It could be my attempt to curtail caffeine, which is a grumpy experience. It could be the gaba/l-theanine I’m using to sleep. It could be PMS. It could be bog-standard autism meltdowns.

I never really had a full picture of what was happening to me. Therapists and psychiatrists haven’t been entirely helpful. There are reasons I ended up self-medicating with, like, everything on the planet. But there are also reasons I stopped all that.

I do miss the version of me that didn’t have many emotions, when I was very stoned. I liked the numbness. Obviously! It’s hard and scary when I melt down. I can miss it, but not want it. I’ve learned too much to want it again, for better or worse. The exciting self-medicating part of my life has ended. Now it’s just me with my miswired brain, and I’m raw-dogging this shit.

The helpful thoughts that I have now that I’m older and not using Substances:

This is going to pass, sooner rather than later.

These feelings are just feelings.

Wherever I am in the moment is where I am in the moment.

The latter point is an extension of things I’ve been learning while reading about Buddhism. Thinking about tanha, desire, and the desire to be rid of whatever meltdown I’m in, the desire to be different — that is one source of dukkha, suffering. It’s also a reminder to root myself where I am and utilize grounding techniques I learned in IOP.

To some extent, I am trying to accept this is how I’ve always worked. This is my werewolf, my demon, my Lady Hyde. I haven’t seen her in a while. She is scary and familiar. Hey there, girly-girl. Weirdly, I kinda missed you.

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The whole Netflix games thing is still weird, but it is going to bring Hades natively to iOS on March 19th (Engadget), so I’m pretty pumped about that. It’ll be a good format for it.

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Anna Marie Tendler has a memoir coming out in August, and it sounds relatable (Variety). I’ll be there.

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I always have the urge to snark about projects like this, which seem ill-advised at best and a grievous misuse of resources in a struggling society at worst, but I’m honestly pretty neutral about efforts to bring back woolly mammoths (NPR). The end game might strike me as silly, but hopefully we learn useful stuff from it.

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Doctors aren’t allowed to participate in lethal injections, so a lot of the people who do it are simply those with related experience, like EMTs and nurses. In some states, they are volunteers. (NPR)

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Here’s an interesting Ars Technica about the evolution of a firefly’s glow, which comes from something called luciferase. I wanted to try to summarize it, but I don’t really understand it, and scientists don’t entirely understand it yet either. Still kinda cool to think about though.

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The FDA has approved its first OTC continuous glucose monitor. (Engadget) I already predict it will be used by a lot of people who follow ketogenic and low-carb diets as part of their eating disorder. For my part, I seem to have reactive hypoglycemia as a side-effect of my SSRIs (which I was told by a dietician at IOP a couple years back), and I really want one of these so I can (hopefully) be warned the drop is coming before I’m feeling like hell. It needs replacement every couple weeks, so I hope it’s affordable.

I do a finger stick test if I want to verify why I feel horrible — usually while eating something to bring up my sugars again — but I feel *so* *terrible* in these situations, it would be nice if the thingy just did it for me.

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The climate crisis has already been here for a while, and in many ways that American denialists just don’t see. Here’s an AJE article about how climate change is impacting Malaysian fishers.

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Vinnie Jones refused to play Juggernaut again unless they paid him much better, and Hollywouldn’t pay him (ba dum tss), so there we are. (Variety) He’s not the only Actually Good Actor who has been deeply disappointed by their brush with modern superhero cinema. It’s a shame: Jones is not just a good actor, but a great fit for Juggernaut. I can’t think of one better tbh. Pay actors what they deserve! Stop making movies by committee!

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I’ve pretty much only heard negative reactions to the live action Avatar: The Last Airbender remake, but Netflix’s numbers have deemed it worthy of renewal anyway. (Reactor, formerly Tor dot Com) The cast is adorable so I guess I’m glad they’re getting more work.

Tangentially, I’m really reluctant to share Reactor articles when Tor, the publisher, is using AI covers. It’s just like…the world is such garbage and they’re not a place to hide out from it. Reactor can try to disassociate but the north remembers. Or something like that.

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Frostpunk 2 is coming out in June. Maybe I’ll actually play more than the one campaign in Frostpunk 1 someday? Hahahaha just kidding, it’s one of those games I love where I will only ever play about 5% of the content. I’ll buy the sequel to support them, though.

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Researchers found an amphibian that makes milk. Sounds tasty already! (NPR) Slurp slurp.

Quitting caffeine is so much harder on me than quitting weed so far. I spent so much time yesterday staring at my screen, trying to write, unable to think of any words. I hate stimulants. Mild use, for me, apparently means heart palpitations; quitting it once I’ve got a dependency means becoming an utter zombie with relentless migraines.

Guzzling iced tea got me into more of a thinky place by the end of the day, but that’s not really a long term solution.

I have to believe if I quit-quit, it will all be better in a month, but I have already sacrificed a month to babysitting myself through weed withdrawal and I’m so reluctant to do it again so soon. On the other hand, from what I’ve learned about substance dependency the last two years, I really want to…not be dependent! On anything! It just sucks because caffeine is in so many things, like basically every drink I enjoy, and also chocolate, and even OTC migraine medications.

On the bright side, I’m not even thinking about weed much anymore, which I never would have thought possible two months ago. Two years ago. Eight years ago. Sober life is pretty neat.

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Another reason it’s good to be off weed is because studies may link cardiovascular disease to cannabis use. (Ars Technica) The more you use (especially daily like me), the likelier you are to have a heart attack or stroke. Considering my heart palpitations became a THING when I was quitting, I totally believe this. There is a big cardiovascular involvement.

The classification of cannabis with far more dangerous drugs has prevented studies like this until recently. America’s drug war has made drugs more dangerous on multiple axes.

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If you watched the John Oliver episode about dollar stores (YouTube), you won’t be surprised that Family Dollar has been fined over rodents in its warehouses. (NPR)

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The CDC recommends covid boosters for ages 65+. (Ars Technica) If the CDC, who recommends you should try licking that light socket, is suggesting the booster, y’all should get the booster.

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Game industry layoff gore continues. EA is laying off 650 employees. (Engadget) Yikes, EA.

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For the time being, Star Trek is safe from David Zaslav and Zaslavian destructive management style. Paramount won’t be acquired by Warner Bros. (Ars Technica)

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I have to share this for the great headline, which you MUST read in his voice: Werner Herzog Watched 30 Minutes of ‘Barbie’ and Asked: ‘Could It Be That the World of Barbie Is Sheer Hell?’ (Variety)

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Montana, of all places, says that a woman’s right to abortion is tied to her right to privacy. A judge declared three anti-abortion laws unconstitutional. (NPR)

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The Oscars loves snubbing horror movies (NPR), as evidenced by the fact Nope should have cleared the 2023 Oscars and did not.

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Two days ago, Ars Technica reported that X revived its anti-deadnaming policy.

Today, X bent over to suck right wing interests and killed the policy again. (Engadget)

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Sophie Boutella defends ‘Rebel Moon,’ and rightly so. (Variety) The movie itself was bad, in the opinion of my review. But Sophie Boutella acted her ass off in it. She committed herself to some of the absolute worst dialogue and gave some absolutely excellent line readings. It’s not her fault the film sucked. She’s right to want to see it treated better when she did her part so well.

I have this running joke* in my family about how I am totally psychic. I have made multiple accurate predictions. There are really funny probably-coincidences I can attribute to myself as psychic predictions, too. I’m not reading minds. It’s nothing like that.

*When I say I’m joking, I’m saying that there’s a 50/50 chance that it’s just a bit (I live for The Bit) or I actually believe it myself. There is no delineation between these two things. I live by Calvin & Hobbes rules. The fact it is funny to bring up frequently is the entire point.

Last night I dreamed about finding an exciting house perfect for my family. Unfortunately, renovations on the house turned out to be performed by scammers. The house fell into a river. The dream wasn’t very stressful; it was kind of funny.

Today I woke up to some external stimulus that had me looking at houses. I had forgotten the dream by this point. I saw one house listing that was really exciting! A good price, a good size. The downside seemed to be its rural location. I asked my online friends what considerations I should have in regards to rural life.

Through a chain of research, I eventually discovered this house is at risk of flooding. It’s unexpected for a house in the middle of the desert. But there’s no denying it: the house is uninsurable due to its flood risk.

I didn’t make the connection between my dream and the house at first. It’s awfully weird I was dreaming about houses falling into rivers before this weirdo chain of events though…right?

So yeah, I’m a psychic. I can’t say this psychic power is *useful*. I am psychic nonetheless.

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Bright Wall, Dark Room reviewed a 1989 documentary called “For All Mankind.” Interesting read!

For All Mankind demonstrates a playful self-awareness of its identity as a movie about making movies. Reinert cuts together footage of the astronauts peering through cameras, filming each other, and waving. The men of Apollo 8 hold up notebook paper signs reading “Apollo 8 Home Movies” and “Staring [sic] Bill Anders, James Lovell, and Frank Borman.” In other footage, a tape recorder floats through the module playing the fanfare from Richard Strauss’s 1896 Also sprach Zarathustra, best known as the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968).

It can feel as if Reinert, who set out to make a movie about the moon, instead attempted to  make every movie about the moon.

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Crooked Timber shares a thought-provoking essay about managers and their waning power in the office, using the church as an example.

In the encyclical Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul VI made his fateful rejection of all forms of artificial contraception. As an attempt to exercise and shore up authority it failed completely. The realities of raising large families and dealing with unplanned pregnancies were far removed from the experience of priests and theologians. And the church’s evident demographic motive (the desire for big Catholic families to fill the pews) further undermined the legitimacy of the prohibition.

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Lawyers, Guns, & Money sound as annoyed by the semaglutide craze as I am.

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Rebecca Ferguson was reportedly harassed by a costar on set. The Rock wants everyone to know it wasn’t him and he will flex his biceps over it. (TSFKA Twitter) Way to make it about yourself, Dwayne!

In similar entertainment news, Jonny Lee Miller related his reaction to abuse of a woman in the entertainment industry. (The Independent) I appreciate his desire to not make it about himself.

“My memory is a bit hazy, but I remember feeling fury,” he says. “I actually wanted to be more proactive about it, but it was 100 per cent her decision and you have to swallow your male bulls***. I was gonna hire someone to f***ing…” He trails off. “But I didn’t. I had some connections.” I laugh, nervously. Miller does not. And Jolie told him not to? “Yeah. Because it would mean it becomes about you, right? And you wanting to prove how much you care – ‘No one’s going to f***ing do that to my people.’ But what you need to do is listen to your partner.” He smiles, warmly now. “Amazingly, that was the one thing I was able to get right. You know, I was raised by women. I have three sisters. And [Jolie] is a very smart lady. She knows what’s best for her.”

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Florida’s government is all like “let’s make measles great again!” (NPR)

Florida’s surgeon general, Dr. Joseph Ladapo, has so far not urged parents of unvaccinated children at the school with the outbreak to get their children vaccinated, or to quarantine them. In a Feb. 20 letter, Ladapo left it up to parents to decide whether to send their kids to school.

It’s wild to me that one of the easiest, best, cheapest tools for public health has become so politically polarizing. I can’t think The People actually want this.

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I’ve been waiting to watch Poor Things, and now it’ll be on Hulu March 7th. (Variety) I feel like I have to make an addendum about how I fully expect to hate this movie any time I bring it up, because I am not planning to evaluate it fairly. idk man, I can be petty.

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Are you surprised to hear that Amazon is up to fuckery with the Roadhouse remake? (Ars Technica) They don’t want to pay the original screenwriter for the adaptation and rushed through AI voice work to make that happen. Any interest I had in watching a greasy Jake Gyllenhaal kickpunch his way through the titular roadhouse has vanished.

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Engadget reports that the Apple Car has been cancelled. Word on the street is that they’d like to refocus on AI. I think of Apple as being one of the less-evil corporate feudalist lords simply because they want to keep our data to themselves (no privacy, but it stays in their walled garden), and you pay a premium for their devices and services to get that. I am not optimistic about how long that vibe is going to last.

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The New Yorker wonders if you can want an Oscar too much. Of course they’re talking (in large part) about Maestro, BCoop’s extremely thirsty plea for Oscars attention.

Also from the same source, a review of Dune 2 that makes it sound like I won’t love it for the same reasons I don’t love the first one. But how much can we trust The New Yorker on this when they talk so much about conlang and point to Lord of the Rings as a major source of our fascination when I got into conlang from a Klingon dictionary vastly predating the other properties they’re talking about? They barely mention Star Trek in passing, then spend a bunch of time caring about the Game of Thrones conlinguist (I might have just made up that word) who I am not especially fond of.

Speaking of Dune 2, Stellan Skarsgard talks about Austin Butler (Variety) like Brian Cox talks about Jeremy Strong (“have you tried acting?” to paraphrase), and I never get tired of this kind of story about over-enthusiastic actors with poor boundaries between work and reality.

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Odysseus plopped onto its side on the Moon and will be freezing to sleep forever faster than expected. (Ars Technica)

I have cardiac funkiness going on so I’m trying to reduce caffeine. Less soda, more tea (which has a fraction of the caffeine and other compounds to improve mood and balance things out). I suspect an overinvolvement of the vagus nerve thanks to quitting cannabis, since I’ve now had my thyroid tested (a previous source of tachycardia) and an ECG and everything looks fine. I’m still gonna get a referral to cardio to make doubly-triply sure, but in the meantime, Foggy Sara remains behind the driver’s wheel of life.

zzz

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Odysseus successfully landed on the Moon, which means that one of Rory’s stories is sitting pretty on a microSD card on the lunar surface. Unnecessary space litter? Kinda cool? Both? (Engadget)

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Did Da Vinci have strabismus, and did it help his art? (Ars Technica via Pocket)

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The Community movie script is “almost done” but Dan Harmon says every script is “almost done,” which I take to mean it’s not nearly as close as Donald Glover (and the rest of us) were hoping. (Variety)

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The Tumblr CEO woke up and chose transphobia out of fear of a car covered in hammers exploding multiple times and sending hammers everywhere. (TechCrunch)

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You’ve probably already heard Vice is shutting down (Al Jazeera English), continuing the extreme degree of media control that private capital is forcefeeding us. We’re definitely in a regression era. Still no bottom in sight.

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BookRiot shares eight “no plot just vibes” books. I just read “My Year of Rest & Relaxation” and loved how plotless it was tbh. I want to write a plotless book soon.

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A state and hospital system is jerking around a young quadriplegic who doesn’t want to be forced out of her state (and further away from her school). (NPR) In fact, the North Carolina hospital is suing this lass, who has extremely reasonable desires and needs.