You know the “how often do men think about the Roman Empire?” meme that used to go around? Well, for me, it might as well be The Princess Bride. I think about it constantly. A lot of the time I’m thinking about the book, actually, which is a wonderful ironic read that zoomed straight over my head as a kid, but has a lot of great imagery in it. Naturally the book characters look like the movie actors, who were, in my childhood esteem, probably the most famous actors in the entire world. To be clear, I was an age where 11-year-old Fred Savage looked grown up to me, maybe like a teenager, so I must have been very wee trying to navigate this meta masterpiece.

Humans aren’t even capable of abstract thought until adolescence, which means the exquisite sarcasm of The Princess Bride formed my base wiring by first confusing me and then leaving me smitten. No wonder I remain obsessed thirtywhatever years later. God, this movie is my entire gender identity, my sexual orientation, my mascot, my master, my mommy. It is everything.

I married a Westley type who would absolutely go transform into a pirate and adventure back to save me from an evil marriage. Early in our relationship he used hard labor to show how much he loved me, like carrying around giant bags of cat litter. And I was usually a big jerk about it. I didn’t shove him down any hills, but… Anyway.

The Princess Bride ran so that Shrek could sprint gamely after it. One after another, William Goldman presents us with pulp adventure stereotypes that are inverted: the commoner princess too spicy for the evil prince to handle, an extremely erudite and considerate swordsman on a bloody revenge scheme, a soft-hearted giant serving as the muscle for their unintimidating ringleader. Even our sincerely handsome, valorous hero is played to the goofy hilt by Known Silly Bitch Carey Elwes, who I have been in love with for my entire life.

But I’ve been EVEN MORE in love with Robin Wright as Princess Buttercup that whole time. I remember in the book, they talked about how she brushed her hair a hundred times a day. It made her more beautiful. There was something about bathing in milk, I think. And it was the beauty she gained from the sadness of losing Westley that drew the Prince’s hungry eye. Robin Wright is every inch the ethereal, unbelievable beauty described in the book, and it shouldn’t be possible. A human is actually that beautiful!

Everyone in this movie is what, like, twelve years old? I’m telling you, they were old-ass people when I was a kid, but now I’m middle aged and this movie is full of babies! What happened?

(I was *so* *young* when I loved this movie so passionately. I’m telling you, the name Buttercup made me laugh because I thought it meant like…butter…in a cup. So young!)

In fact, The Princess Bride is much funnier when you have adult cognition, and you’re not still eating glue like it’s a part-time job. The broad family appeal offers something for every age, really. Little kids enjoy the excitement, older kids enjoy relating to Tiny Fetus Fred Savage who is reluctant to listen to the story, teens can enjoy the hotness of the surprisingly young leads probably, and older adults can actually know what’s going on.

You can tell an absolute genius like Rob Reiner sits in the director’s chair for this one. The Princess Bride is basically the When Harry Met Sally of 80s fantasy. I love it forever.

(image credit: 20th Century Fox)

I’m simultaneously impressed by the sheer ambition of the project, and feeling wholly incapable of ever giving this a star rating. This is…unique.

The animation is incredible, when it’s animated, and when it’s interspersed with heavy rotoscoping or filtered footage, it’s very interesting.

The Halflings look like children, mostly, which is unsettling. In several places, it definitely looks like they rotoscoped children for Hobbits. I just don’t think of them as childlike, though Frodo is certainly young.

Twinkolas is drawn VERY pretty. Gimli is as tall as Twinkolas and Old Man Aragorn. Boromir wears a pseudo-viking horned helmet. The Men have miniskirts (TUNICS) and either naked legs or skin toned leggings.

A lot of this is just aesthetic sensibilities of the 70s, or Bakshi’s taste, and Bakshi was a hell of an artist. Sacrifices were made in design in an attempt to do more animation, and when he succeeds, it’s beautiful.

The microexpressions of his characters and their hand gestures are like…wow. The backgrounds are divine! I love the fully rendered environments but I love the more abstract ones more.

I scream-laugh at the Ringwraiths every time they show up.

Thing is, you can nitpick what feels weird about this until the end of time, BUT IT ALL WORKS! This is obviously an incredible labor of love, and even the compromises are made with dedication and genius imo.

I could see this being a great kids’ intro to LotR.

(This review was originally posted on Letterboxd on Jan 03 2023. Image credit Warner Bros.)

Baroque isn’t the first word most folks would associate with Fury Road, but I’d argue this movie exemplifies the concept. I recall Guillermo Del Toro describing certain projects as baroque when they are detailed down to the most minute elements; his art style can be rather baroque. Whether you look closely or step back for a wider look at his films, you will see absurd levels of detail. Everything is considered.

George Miller’s style of filmmaking for Fury Road is similar, even if the aesthetic is post-apocalyptic.

An enormous ensemble is filled with distinct characters who have obvious lore associations that is mostly explained via aesthetics. Actor performances are outsized. You can be confident these characters are filled with character even if you haven’t seen the other movies, read the comic books, or seen interviews with the cast and crew sharing details. Just doing a few searches for Fury Road information brought up so much Mad Max lore that my head’s still spinning.

The editing is also baroque, packing so many quick shots into sequences that it feels like you’re somehow watching action occur from inside and outside vehicles simultaneously. A conscious focus on clarity of framing (trivia says they chose to center characters in the frame to make it easier to track) means you can absorb a lot of the exhilarating details without losing everything to the blur of violence.

And oh boy, the violence. These creative characters smashing around the movie are doing so with gleeful, drug-hazed brutality. The energy is usually frenetic. There are so many explosions and car flips. I’ve never seen another movie with stunts that feel as visceral as these ones. Though the special effects aren’t exactly hidden — often, the visuals look like a really cool art wall at a tattoo parlor rather than shooting for realism — a shocking amount of the movie was produced with practical effects, and you can feel it. Fury Road is a movie made out of exclamation marks with hardly a comma to breathe.

With this level of detail everywhere you look, it’s fitting that the actual plot of the movie is simple. Our Heroes try to get from point A to point B with minimal deaths, then are forced to turn around and return to point A. There isn’t much to follow if you don’t care to do so. The main character doesn’t talk very much.

If you do pay attention, you’ll note character development all over the place. Max goes from a feral blood bag to someone who goes to any end to save Furiosa’s life, the brides each find different routes to becoming fighters in charge of their own destinies, Nux turns his zealotry away from Immortan Joe–but while the presence of these arcs serve as a rugged scaffold to connect action scenes, Fury Road is still mostly about action scenes.

It’s fun to have such beautiful models centered in a fashion that seems typical for genre movies — presumably, under-dressed for our titillation as much as Immortan Joe’s — who each let slip quite a bit of character in their depictions and coexist in the movie alongside elderly and disabled women. They’re a great example of how Fury Road subverts the very tropes it benefits from. Despite the whole movie ostensibly being framed as another episode in Max’s life, this is one of the more radically feminist movies in the genre.

Behind-the-scenes trivia is worth reading for this one. The shoot it took to produce a ballet of exploding Burning Man cars was as harrowing as you’d think, and I can’t begin recapping all the trivia here. It starts with “Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy hated each other” and carries through “the oldest actress was 78 and did her own stunts” into “the nearly-naked girls nearly froze to death because the desert is flipping cold” and beyond. Hopefully everyone got over the difficult shoot well enough to feel proud of their contributions to one of cinema’s modern classics in retrospect.

My love for Fury Road isn’t anything new; it was one of the most popular movies of 2015. We knew Fury Road was a classic when it came out. For my money, it’s as good as Dredd 3D, the under-performing 2012 release that also featured an oppositional male/female pairing getting closer through killing people. The front half of the decade was so good for SF action movies!

(image credit: Warner Bros. Pictures)

A mellower, low-saturation story told in the “Repo! the Genetic Opera Universe” that isn’t about rich people, but about horny performance artists. Also, the pandemic here is novel organs rather than organ failure–but I think you get my drift.

I just watched Hellraiser yesterday and they have one basic similarity – in the commingling of pain and pleasure, losing the lines that distinguish them. It’s interesting how Hellraiser was so violent and desecrating, but Crimes of the Future felt sensual and rapturous.

Normally i do not watch, much less recommend, movies that not only make the death of a child central to the story, but starts off the movie showing the mother killing a child. (Not a spoiler, it’s literally the first five minutes.) But the emotional temperature is so turned down that it didn’t bother me.

Everyone is so mellow in this movie, mostly – well, it more seems like numb than mellow. Pleasure isn’t pleasure anymore. Surgery is sex. They only feel anything when they’re being gored. Léa Seydoux fellates Viggo Mortensen’s viscera and makes it feel like a normal moment of intimacy between a long-time couple.

I’m always more into horror aesthetic with dark themes rather than horror itself, strictly speaking, and that’s what that was. Delicious, weird, lovely, grimy, bleak, warm, loving. I want Viggo Mortensen’s wardrobe.

(Image credit: Vertigo Releasing. This review was originally posted on Letterboxd on Jan 25, 2023.)

This movie is pure vibe. I am *always* in the mood to play this movie and listen to it. The sound design, the soundtrack, the emotions I feel as everything plays out…it’s a nightmare on xanax where you’re too numb to feel how bad it is that these surreal things are happening.

I loved Donnie Darko as a kid. I was exactly the right age when it came out (thirteen and an edgelord). As an adult, I find myself thinking a lot more about how the movie feels irresponsible at its core, and maybe how that dangerous feeling is really the appeal of it. The titular character is a paranoid schizophrenic. The movie is essentially a paranoid episode if everything the voice in your head was telling you is true. And it glamorizes the tragedies that befall this sickly young man, bestowing him with attention and mystique and a degree of deranged coolness that resonates with damaged teenagers. “Your fantasies are true,” says the movie, “and you really do see the core of the way the universe works, and your untimely death fits into it aesthetically well.”

It would be easy for someone struggling with unreality to take Donnie Darko as a positive example. So it’s dangerous–evocative of sadness without being sad–and that sort of ferality is a lot of what makes it feel darkly delicious. Maybe that’s just me, as a frequent mental health patient.

It’s definitely a lot more relatable from a Millennial teen’s pov, but now as someone who has grown into something that vaguely resembles adulthood, I mostly enjoy it for the vibes. Donnie Darko makes emotional sense. Any rational analysis of the plot (and time travel/milieu) is going to fail to support the best qualities of the product, which is entirely vibes, the incredible cast (Maggie Gyllenhaal!!! my wife!!!!), and the sound design.

(This review was originally posted on Letterboxd on Feb 18 2023. Image credit Newmarket Films.)